Listen up, you lazy couriers!! I'm hearing all sorts of horror stories about stations with thousands of undelivered packages and employees with bad attitudes. UNACCEPTABLE!! You are messing-up my Hawaiian vacation with all of this crap, and I'm just going to have to turn my phone off and enjoy my family and the sun. Believe it or not, I made the incredible sacrifice of flying here First-Class because Happy Hands 1 doesn't have the range to fly me here. My new Gulfstream should take care of that. You know, you are just ungrateful for everything we do for you. We have given you a job, and you just shove it right back in our faces. Our Engineering Department says that all stations should be handling at least double the normal volumes, and even tripled volumes if necessary. LAZY, unmotivated slackers!! Besides my vacation, you are also endangering the leisure time of the rest of your upper management team. To show you how dedicated we are, Dave, Fred, and I actually went down to the Hub a week ago and each of us touched a package to show our solidarity with you. How's that for teamwork and sacrifice? Everyone in the Hub was yelling at me and telling me I was Number 1, which made me feel good until someone told me what they were actually saying. I had earplugs on, so maybe it was just a mistake. In view of your collective unwillingness to get the job done on-time, every time, and deliver the Purple Promise, I am authorizing Operation Crackdown. For every late package, you will get an OLCC, and for DEX01's, you will get a letter. If you run out of hours...too bad. You work for free until everything gets delivered, 24/7 if necessary. Effective immediately, I am eliminating the budget for the lavish breakfast feasts you have been receiving, and no more managers on the road!! We are already over-manned and over-budget. Anyway, you have really me off this time. Imagine, messing-up MY vacation. Dano, fetch me another margarita.