Boss won't allow my husband to take time off to care for wife.

[Brontegirl]

I had a hysterectomy last Wednesday. Due to the start time that my husband has, 6am, he can't take our kids to school if he is to make it into work. There is a bus, but I am really in bad shape and can't even walk down to the bus stop halfway down the block. My husband is not a driver but is considered management. His boss said that he was planning to take off Monday a long time ago and my husband cannot come in later in Monday or take the day off. This puts me in an impossible situation. I've already had the surgery and can't just snap my fingers and feel better. I cannot even drive because I am still on narcotic pain medicine. I'm also having complications due to the surgery and need to see the doctor on Monday morning. My husband's boss decided to send me flowers, which is nice but I need my husband to help me on Monday.

I was upset enough as it is and then I find out the real kicker. His boss has taken three weeks more vacation than he is entitled to in a year and routinely leaves the office after lunch. My husband works long hours and this just doesn't seem fair at all. Caring for a spouse after major surgery is FMLA and I know my husband is entitled to have the day off or have them make alternate work arrangements. What can a UPSer do in this situation? My husband is nowhere close to using all his vacation time for this year because he always has to cover for his boss.

 

[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

FMLA is more involved that simply walking in Monday morning and requesting the time off. Hindsight is 20/20 but your husband should have put in for this weeks before your surgery, if it were planned----it if were an emergency hysterectomy then there is little that he could have done.

He could always call in sick but he would be in for a world of retaliation it he even tried to do this.

Are there any family members or a trusted friend who could help you out for the day? Could a neighbor help get your kids on and off the bus? The last thing that you would want is to have them home for the day; sounds harsh but you need your rest.

I do hope that you feel better and that everything works out well for you. Dave.

 

[over9five]

I think your hubby needs to man-up, and simply tell his boss he will not be in for a few days.

His wife and family need him, and are more important right now.

 

[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

Her hubby is management and with the 6am start time I am guessing he is a PDS, which is not an easy position to replace but it can be done, or an on-car, which is easily replaceable.

I still think she needs to find someone for Monday and her hubby can take the rest of the week off.

 

[cachsux]

Her hubby can still apply for FMLA.

 

[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

Her hubby can still apply for FMLA.

For the same day?

 

[cachsux]

He can apply for FMLA even in a retroactive situation. That's how it would be done in an emergency situation. As soon as it was approved any marks against an employee would have to be changed to reflect it being under FMLA.

 

[over9five]

Her hubby is management and with the 6am start time I am guessing he is a PDS, which is not an easy position to replace but it can be done, or an on-car, which is easily replaceable.

I still think she needs to find someone for Monday and her hubby can take the rest of the week off.

We both know nobody is indispensable. No matter who takes the time off, the work will get done and UPS will continue to exist.

I don't think she needs to find someone else, she has a husband. His family has to come first.

 

[cachsux]

We both know nobody is indispensable. No matter who takes the time off, the work will get done and UPS will continue to exist.

I don't think she needs to find someone else, she has a husband. His family has to come first.

...........unless his mgr is a better kisser.

 

[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

We both know nobody is indispensable. No matter who takes the time off, the work will get done and UPS will continue to exist.

I don't think she needs to find someone else, she has a husband. His family has to come first.

I agree with you but neither one of us has to work in that environment if he does decide to bang in. I'm just trying to find a solution that works best for all involved.

 

[cachsux]

I agree with you but neither one of us has to work in that environment if he does decide to bang in. I'm just trying to find a solution that works best for all involved.

If he does bang in, and is approved for FMLA, and there is a change in his work environment, then he needs to document it with UPS and the DOL. UPS does NOT like the DOL investigating FMLA matters even for members of management.

 

[Brontegirl]

My husband told his boss 10 days ahead of time and the boss told him that he had that particular Monday off already so he had to make sure he would be back by then. My husband is a facilitator for Integrad, which is part of HR and I think is somewhat pathetic that his boss doesn't walk the walk especially when he is part of HR. My husband just told me on Friday that he found out in Friday that he couldn't get the day off because his boss has the day off. However, his boss doesn't even have any vacation time left for this year.

I had the hysterectomy because I have endometriosis and had I put it off any longer, I would have perforated my bowel and I likely be walking around with a colestomy bag. My husband's boss will say he's going to the region and wink and all the facilitators know he is merely going to his vacation cabin for an early start to his weekend. I'm surprised no one has called the hotline already. The other facilitators are very angry because this boss only works about 2-4 hours each day and usually leaves for the day at lunchtime. If this guy actually pulled his weight, my husband and the other facilitators would be able to work normal hours and my husband would be able to take care of me. My doctor needs to see me Monday as they believe I have an infection. I am taking two different types of antibiotics, which were prescribed on Friday evening. We need to watch this very closely. If they don't, I could get sepsis and die. We did give notice about the hysterectomy, but it didn't know I'd get an infection and I was at the emergency room Friday night.

i don't have family in town and his brother and sister can't get time off for an in law to drive me. It is amazing that no matter how many close friends you have, you have very few who are actually willing to help when you have a hysterectomy. The recovery time is 2-4 weeks minimum. My husband got two days off last week. I am not recovering normally and cannot even do stairs. My workplace is so much more understanding than this. I do think he needs to man up and tell his boss this could be a life or death situation. In my husband's 30 years at UPS, he has only had one sick day and that was for appendicitis. It's not like he cries wolf or anything.

 

[cachsux]

He needs to speak to someone in the HR chain of command and tell them he'll be taking the days needed as he applies for FMLA at the same time.

 

[gingerkat]

FMLA is more involved that simply walking in Monday morning and requesting the time off. Hindsight is 20/20 but your husband should have put in for this weeks before your surgery, if it were planned----it if were an emergency hysterectomy then there is little that he could have done.

He could always call in sick but he would be in for a world of retaliation it he even tried to do this.

Are there any family members or a trusted friend who could help you out for the day? Could a neighbor help get your kids on and off the bus? The last thing that you would want is to have them home for the day; sounds harsh but you need your rest.

I do hope that you feel better and that everything works out well for you. Dave.

Dave, you always negate anything good you say with something really crappy. The woman just had her uterus yanked out and you ask if she has any family that can help? Sorry buddy, but that is just stupid, insensitive and asinine. Lets see, my vagina hurts like hell, I can't walk or pee and I feel like I've been punched in the gut over and over... lets ask the "neighbors" to help with the kids. Sorry pal, but that is what spouses are for.

 

[over9five]

Dave, you always negate anything good you say with something really crappy. The woman just had her uterus yanked out and you ask if she has any family that can help? Sorry buddy, but that is just stupid, insensitive and asinine. Lets see, my vagina hurts like hell, I can't walk or pee and I feel like I've been punched in the gut over and over... lets ask the "neighbors" to help with the kids. Sorry pal, but that is what spouses are for.

​+ 1 million

 

[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

Dave, you always negate anything good you say with something really crappy. The woman just had her uterus yanked out and you ask if she has any family that can help? Sorry buddy, but that is just stupid, insensitive and asinine. Lets see, my vagina hurts like hell, I can't walk or pee and I feel like I've been punched in the gut over and over... lets ask the "neighbors" to help with the kids. Sorry pal, but that is what spouses are for.

I was just trying to find a solution that would work for all involved. I agree 100% that the spouse should be there if at all possible but is it worth possibly losing one's job over?

"Stupid, insensitive and asinine...."----easy to hide behind a computer screen, isn't it?

 

[cachsux]

The thing is Dave is that her operation is guaranteed to be approved for FMLA. As for as solution that works for all involved,UPS has thousands of employees, she has one husband. You agree that he should be there if possible but is it worth losing his job? I'm on the side thinking is it worth it to damage his marriage over? The only person to give the go ahead for he to go to work is his wife. Even then he should duck out early.

​Maybe be my priorities are different.

 

[moreluck]

I know this will sound petty, but it would've set the tone.......knowing the boss is an ass, I would've refused the flower delivery!! Now, everyone knows you're serious. Believe me, you would've definitely got the boss's attention.
I know how this surgery feels.......hubby NEEDS to be there.

 

[gingerkat]

I was just trying to find a solution that would work for all involved. I agree 100% that the spouse should be there if at all possible but is it worth possibly losing one's job over?

"Stupid, insensitive and asinine...."----easy to hide behind a computer screen, isn't it?

Dave, I'm not trying to get in a pissing match with you. If it were your daughter going through this, would you have said the same things? I understand you were trying to help, but you came across as a cold hearted person, wait no hearted person. This woman had her insides taken out, not a broken toe.

I often find the things you said very helpful and to the point. With that being said, more times than not you add in a hidden or not hidden you in your posts for some reason. You negate any good with you a few words. As far as the "hiding behind a screen" comment goes, that is exactly what you do. I addressed you directly in a post and I've never given a negative rep, thumbs down or ran to the mod's with an issue. I don't bother with passive aggressive behavior.

 

[Brontegirl]

I know this will sound petty, but it would've set the tone.......knowing the boss is an ass, I would've refused the flower delivery!! Now, everyone knows you're serious. Believe me, you would've definitely got the boss's attention.
I know how this surgery feels.......hubby NEEDS to be there.

I didn't even open the door because I was pretty much confined to bed. My husband answered the door. The way the flowers were wrapped up, my husband couldn't tell who they were from until he opened them. He stayed home from work today. One of his coworkers told my husband she had the same surgery a few years back and he needed to be home. She even called him this morning and told him he better not be coming in to work. Guess what was so important that the boss needed the day off for? Waiting for a handyman up at his vacation cottage. I don't even think my husband's boss is human. The boss is retiring in roughly a year so he is totally checked out of everything.