MrFedEx
Engorged Member
Dear Team,
I've just had a look at the preliminary SFA results, and it isn't pretty. We're down across the board because you ungrateful SOB's don't realize everything I do to make your work life better. So you know what I'm going to do? I'm gonna lie, and not just the usual ones. This year is going to be a whopper!!!
We'll say we're "up" in every category, and make it seem like you don't really want a union even though everything in the SFA says that you do. You're too dumb to realize it, but that's the only reason we administer it every year. The SFA is really a tool we use to measure how pissed-off you are and how much we can get away with before you call BS on us and go Teamster.
As usual, we'll release the true numbers for your managers, so they can take the heat instead of us and work even longer hours than they already do. Heck, we're getting 2 employees for 1 paycheck for most of them, since most Ops managers are defacto couriers anyway!
Those Democratic Socialist Commies in the White House don't like my money as much as Bush did, so I'm going to have to pull even more dirty tricks out of my butt so I can get my way, kind of like that little runt in North Korea who's always threatening to do something bad if he doesn't get his way. Are you listening, Boeing? I've tried to hire him, but he doesn't like Memphis (can you blame him?).
Anyway, I've got to go now so I can catch a flight to Washington to bribe some of my favorite Senators. Keep up the Purple Promise behavior, and I'll be talking to you soon.
Love,
Fred
I've just had a look at the preliminary SFA results, and it isn't pretty. We're down across the board because you ungrateful SOB's don't realize everything I do to make your work life better. So you know what I'm going to do? I'm gonna lie, and not just the usual ones. This year is going to be a whopper!!!
We'll say we're "up" in every category, and make it seem like you don't really want a union even though everything in the SFA says that you do. You're too dumb to realize it, but that's the only reason we administer it every year. The SFA is really a tool we use to measure how pissed-off you are and how much we can get away with before you call BS on us and go Teamster.
As usual, we'll release the true numbers for your managers, so they can take the heat instead of us and work even longer hours than they already do. Heck, we're getting 2 employees for 1 paycheck for most of them, since most Ops managers are defacto couriers anyway!
Those Democratic Socialist Commies in the White House don't like my money as much as Bush did, so I'm going to have to pull even more dirty tricks out of my butt so I can get my way, kind of like that little runt in North Korea who's always threatening to do something bad if he doesn't get his way. Are you listening, Boeing? I've tried to hire him, but he doesn't like Memphis (can you blame him?).
Anyway, I've got to go now so I can catch a flight to Washington to bribe some of my favorite Senators. Keep up the Purple Promise behavior, and I'll be talking to you soon.
Love,
Fred