From The Chairman: Kool-Aid Economics

Discussion in 'FedEx Discussions' started by MrFedEx, Apr 1, 2014.

  1. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    It's late, and it's been a bad I've been drinking. Cannon called from Camp Pendleton and said he had just come-out as the USMC's first drag queen and would be performing tonight-only at the Butt-Hut in Laguna Beach. No, I won't be attending.

    Anyway, after a whole bottle of Jim Beam, I'm feeling honest, which isn't my nature. But all of my handlers have gone home for the day, so I can say what I really think. First, how about my "aligning the opcos" plan, eh? That one will save me huge money. Just think, a full year without having to pay anyone a raise.

    Next, how's that new health care plan? I am banking so much money off this scam. Obamacare has been like a gift from God himself. At first, I didn't like Obama, but even Mitt Romney couldn't have done better by me. Just think. You fools pay huge premiums to me for worthless "coverage" you can't really use anyway. I am so happy with this whole deal I could just fill my pants, which I probably have anyway. Besides erectile dysfunction, I'm having trouble controlling my bowels lately. I can't screw women any more, but I can sure have my way with you, can't I? That makes me happy.

    But what I really wanted to talk about was Kool-Aid Economics. You know, everyone thinks the RLA and all of the politicians I own are the key to my success. That helps, but just pouring you morons free Kool-Aid for 41 years has been the real secret. All of my greatest moves were made possible by dispensing my favorite beverage, which you drink-up someone dying of thirst in the Gobi Desert. Yes, I guess you really are that stupid. I mean...really dumb.

    Ending the Traditional Pension was made possible by the ERISA Kool-Aid, the lie I told you about FedEx being forced to fully fund pensions. Since they(the pensions) were tiny, this was easily accomplished, and your real retirement was killed-off. I lied...and you drank-up.

    Screwing you for years with stories about "international expansion" and "flat profits" were very profitable, and allowed me to buy and build your expense. Drink deeply from the pitcher. my friends!! Uncle Fred makes more money every time you do.

    God, there is so much more. But the bottle is empty, and I've got to call Camp Pendleton to see if they can throw Cannon in the brig before his performance this evening. I hate you, but I hate myself even more. Only money and power make me feel better. Screw all of you!!


    Frederick W. Smith

    P.S. I'll give you ONE MILLION DOLLARS if you can straighten Cannon out (I'm lying, again).
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2014