From The Chairman: Promotional Videos

Discussion in 'FedEx Discussions' started by MrFedEx, Dec 7, 2014.

  1. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Dear Team Members,

    Bravo Zulu, and thanks for everything you do to make me, to fulfill the Purple Promise. The Peak season is upon us, and to make all employees realize the gift they've been given to work here, I've authorized production of a series of videos that show real employees at work, not whiners or miscreants like MrFedEx, Cactus, Downhill Express, HypoHanna and Route 66. These bad apples have been poisoning the well and spreading their bad attitudes all around the their stations and on fine sites like this one. None of you are part of MY Team!!

    What about Pierre Suckass, the Canadian courier who still loves his job so much that he sings the praises of FedEx to his fellow employees? Pierre is 75 and still going strong, and if he makes it, he'll top-out at age 90 and be eligible for the $35 per month payout that the PPP provides. Pierre tried to retire at age 65, but he couldn't pack enough insulation into his refrigerator box down by the river to survive the cold Canadian winters. Frozen-stiff, Pierre was brought back to his station, thawed-out, and given massive amounts of grape and orange Kool-Aid intravenously. Somehow, he pulled through, and that's when he really started singing. Of course, he had to start over at $16.34 per hour, but now he has something to look forward to!

    And how about Dominic Blowboytino, the NYC courier who loves his job and illustrates just how strongly FedEx believes in a work/family life balance. Hey, we walk our talk at FedEx!! Dominic is another rescue employee, who used to get the living shat beat out of him by his co-workers because he was such a suck-ass and management pet. One day, dazed and bleeding, Dominic came-in at 0400 to work off the clock on the Courier Pak sort and when I heard his story, we had to share it with you. He continues to suck-up, cower to management, and say bad things about the union, so Dominic gets off early every day so he can power walk with his wife. Dominic...he power walks through life with FedEx Pride, just like you should too!

    Finally, how about Dirk Stalker, the FedEx Ground employee in Arizona? Dirk was going nowhere in life, and was doing 10-20 years in a federal prison for meth dealing and child prostitution as part of his biker gang, "Satan's Children". Dirk wrote me from prison and said he wanted turn his life around as a Ground driver. I pulled some strings with Governor Brewer and got Dirk released early.

    Now, Dirk is a model Ground employee. He works 60-70 hours per week for a flat $600 salary...and loves it!! He's back on meth, and high on life, and he deals straight out of his truck now. His affluent Ground lifestyle has allowed him to purchase a 1972 Ford LTD, which he lives-in next to the Ground station, and very close to a local elementary school, where Dirk volunteers to help our youth turn their lives around and stay on the straight and narrow!! All of the kids love looking at his collection of human skulls, crime scene photos, and his impressive full body tattoos. If Dirk has had a profitable week, sometimes he lets the kids smoke dope with him or look at his impressive child porn collection. Talk about community involvement!

    You know, YOU ARE LUCKY TO WORK HERE!! Don't listen to those Negative Employees (NE) who say bad things about me and this outstanding company.

    FedEx PRIDE!! Live the dream!!

    I care,
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    Last edited: Dec 7, 2014
  2. TheJackal

    TheJackal Active Member

    You seriously have way to much free time.
  3. Cactus

    Cactus Just telling it like it is

    Jeez, lighten up.

    Might as well have a good laugh this time of year or did Fred send you a case of Kool-Aid for Christmas?
  4. whenIgetthere

    whenIgetthere Well-Known Member

    Case, nah, that would cost too much, one packet will do! Have to keep that stock price up!
  5. Cactus

    Cactus Just telling it like it is

    Knowing how dangerously cheap this company is, you're probably right.
  6. FdxOpsMgr

    FdxOpsMgr New Member

    You almost forgot. Dominic has a gorgeous wife as well. Something you may never see. Bringing your sister to the peak party and all..
  7. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    My wife is very attractive. Maybe you can ask Dano out to the Brown-Noser's FedEx Holiday Party and then you can cuddle the night away together talking about your parent's divorce. I personally think you're just a troll, but if you're for real, a psychiatric visit is in order for you. Deal with your issues.
  8. FdxOpsMgr

    FdxOpsMgr New Member

    Or maybe I'll have a beer with Herman Cain...Err, I mean Matt Thorton.