From The Chairman: The Real Letter

Discussion in 'FedEx Discussions' started by MrFedEx, Jan 29, 2013.

  1. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Dear Valued Teammembers,

    I'd like to start by thanking so many of you for being stupid for so long. I couldn't have taken so much away from you if you hadn't been willing participants in your own demise. I'm thinking way back to the FEPAC days, where we actually asked employees to contribute money to a campaign that allowed me to keep the RLA in place, Lots of you were dumb enough to give me money, which is kind of like digging your own grave and then volunteering to shoot yourself in the head with a bullet that you paid-for.

    To me, employees are like retreaded tires. The basic casing is good for only so many times, and then it's no longer suitable for rebuilding. Time for the trash heap...just like you. With DRA, I'll be able to start recruiting people who never could have survived the old FedEx...just like my Ground drivers. No brains required, just a pulse and a willingness to work as directed. Maximum profit for me and a non-career courier who will put up with my crap for a couple of years at $14 per hour and then leave. Perfection!!

    I'm going to wait until after Valentine's Day to drop the Buyout Bomb on you, but I've already begun wholesale warfare on the workforce with my new insurance plans, end of swing premiums, and elimination of Heavyweight drivers. The way I see it, a ton of you will be displaced, and since there won't be any decent jobs available, I can get rid of even more of no cost to me. You see, we haven't announced the parameters of the buyout on purpose, mainly because I still have a need for most of you. There are just a few more miles left on that last retread, and I'll run you until you're bald with thread showing if I possibly can. Buyouts?? You are dreaming.

    As a Job Creator, I'm trying really hard to use the 35% Corporate Tax Rate as a rationale for slashing your benefits and reducing hours. Never mind that I pay way less than that, but that isn't going to stop me from forcing that brown fellow in the White House to drop it to 15 or 20 percent. That way, I'll have even higher record profits. Don't pay attention to the fact that the jobs I create aren't very good ones, but any job is better than no job at all, right?

    You see, all of you are so damned lucky to even have a job, especially at a Forbes Top 100 employer like FedEx. Steve Forbes couldn't get laid if his life depended on it and well, you know...Uncle Fred sent Steve some lovin' along with my 7 figure check to make sure we made his list. We also set-up a fake station every year and send the Forbes reporters there to be wined and dined and lied to for a couple of days. We "staff" the station with hand-selected managers and ass-kissers, and then they just lie like a rug when they ask us questions about the quality of worklife at FedEx. We wouldn't want them talking to actual employees now, would we? I've seen the mid-year SFA's, and it seems like many of you are finally getting smart enough to know the way your Uncle Fred really operates. I've seen scores in the 30's and 40's, and I could care less. All that means is that my plan is working and that the managers are really turning the screws hard. it gives me major wood just thinking about it.

    Finally, Matt Thornton did such a great job during Peak 2012 that I've rewarded him with not only a new personal jet, but a hefty raise in salary too. You don't see talent like MT3 very often, and I'm thinking of sending Dave off to manage FedEx Office so he can fail at that and I can kick his ass to the curb...just like Ken May. Every once in awhile, Dave shows a touch of humanity and some feeble concern for the employees, just like May and that weakling Barksdale. God, I'm glad I got rid of his ass...always trying to tell me that it actually makes a difference when you treat employees with respect. Well, kiss my ring Mr. Barksdale...I think I've proven myself to be an even bigger A-hole than you imagined I already was. I'm number1!! I'm number 1!!

    With Love,

    Frederick "Weasel" Smith
  2. Mr. 7

    Mr. 7 The monkey on the left.

    And, you only spend about 5 minutes at a time on here. LOL.
  3. Cactus

    Cactus Just telling it like it is

    You're getting to sound like Dano.
  4. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    "Letters From The Chairman" are an exception to the rule. I do them from home and not from my smartphone during the day. I'll try to stay within your time limits.
  5. bbsam

    bbsam Moderator Staff Member

    well, he did make the claim.


    We were "allowed" to watch a video today due to late freight. It was an informal what's what filmed, very crappily I might add, in Memphis at the FredEx version of a Ronald McDonald house. Total load of horses(*t.
  7. IsItME

    IsItME New Member

    Mr. FedEx, anyone can say whatever they want about you. This one is damn funny. I told all my friends log on to read it. Great job!!!
  8. Cactus

    Cactus Just telling it like it is

    You know I've never worked anywhere before for a company that is way too eager to pat itself on the back. Fred's yellow brick road is littered with way too much horse(*t too. Watch where you step!
  9. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    I finally got my copy of "From The Chairman" today and couldn't believe the lies and misrepresentations. Smith says we have a 39% corporate tax rate and high unemployment, and then compares us to Singapore, a tiny island nation with a lower corporate tax rate and much lower unemployment. This is like comparing apples with land mines...a totally invalid analysis. Hey Fred! What's the average income in Singapore? Yep, it's very high, and ours is very low by comparison. Forgot to mention that, along with the fact that Singapore isn't exacty a representative democracy. Oops.

    Oh, and we now have a "purpose" at FedEx. What a steaming load of BS, thick with flies and stench. I especially loved all of the congratulations for the "superb" peak season. This smells even worse than the so-called "purpose", because everyone knows Peak 2012 was a cluster of epic proportions.

    His biggest stumble is health care, where he says (in code-speak) that because FedEx is self-insured that we the employees are going to have to pay more. Never mind that corporate profits are soaring...we still get to pay more and receive less.

    Our real purpose at FedEx is to make Fred more money, so he can give more money to his personal politicians who will lobby for the corporate tax rate cuts he wants so badly. Pure crap, from someone who will continue to take from you because our government has given him the means to do so (The RLA).

    Watch for an ever-increasing spew of garbage about "sustainability"," public service", and "purpose" as Fred trots out more Ronald McDonald houses, buys a few electric vans, and trasports pandas to and fro. All smoke and mirrors.

    MAKAVELI Well-Known Member

    I couldn't agree with you more bro. I've worked many jobs before but have never experienced the amount of propaganda, self serving, bullsheet this company spews out on a daily basis. The sad thing is the general public and some employees actually believe this crap. I feel like I'm in the matrix have just taken the red pill and old Freddy is agent smith.
  11. Route 66

    Route 66 Bent Member

    Every time I see any iteration of a 'FedEx Cares' poster hanging up anywhere I have to resist the temptation to rip it down off the wall and poo on it. And if this flea-bitten, piss-poor excuse for a "people" company doesn't come through with any sort of raise this year - then all bets are off.
  12. overflowed

    overflowed Well-Known Member

    Don't talk like that. We already made you watch the active shooter video didn't we?
  13. Cactus

    Cactus Just telling it like it is

    Fred's probably referring to peak season at station 1 where everything goes flawlessly. You know, Fantasyland.
  14. hypo hanna

    hypo hanna Well-Known Member

    Station 1 has got to be the biggest joke at this joke of a corporation. A belt that moves at 25% speed of a real station. Drivers delivering comat pkgs to FedEx employees who don't have to sign for them. I'm sure our managers are learning how to handle real world situations at Station 1.