Funny answers to frequently asked questions

Discussion in 'UPS Discussions' started by Re-Raise, May 18, 2011.

  1. Re-Raise

    Re-Raise Well-Known Member

    Q What is it I didn't order anything?

    A I don't know .. they told me to quit looking in the packages.

    Q Are you working hard?

    A You know me , I like to start out slow and then ease it back from there.

    Q They even give you UPS socks?

    A Yes , we got those last year instead of a raise.

    Anyone have any others? I could use some new material.
  2. UpstateNYUPSer

    UpstateNYUPSer Very proud grandfather.

    Q. Where are the doors on your truck?

    A. They take them off during the summer and put them back on in the winter.

    Q. Can I....?

    A. No, you can't race the truck.
  3. Covemastah

    Covemastah Suspension Ovah !!! Tom is free FU Goodell !!

    At this guys house on Christmas eve around 730,, he comes to the door & says "" keeping yah busy"" ?? Wanted to jam a snowball up his apron wearing arse !!
  4. Covemastah

    Covemastah Suspension Ovah !!! Tom is free FU Goodell !!

    900 am Customers hands me a NDA pkg for p/up !! "thought if I gave it to you now ,it might get to L.A quicker rather than tonight !!""
  5. Covemastah

    Covemastah Suspension Ovah !!! Tom is free FU Goodell !!

    I was dropping off the Mass Lottery tickets at a supermarket one day and a little old lady was grabbing my arm and wanted to know 'What asile are the canned peaches in ?""
  6. moreluck

    moreluck golden ticket member

    did you tell her ??? Cling or Freestone ??? Thick or thin syrup? C'mon, the suspense is killing me !!
  7. barnyard

    barnyard KTM rider Staff Member

    Q: what did I get???
    Me: I am not sure, my xray vision is not working today. If you would like, I can open it and tell you.

    Q: Where is the regular guy???
    Me: Treatment, he's been having a tough time. When he gets back, give him a hug.

    Q: How are the roads.
    Me: Their fine. The other driver's on them are not too good.
  8. barnyard

    barnyard KTM rider Staff Member

    Q: Where is .......
    Me: You can't get there from here.
  9. Leftinbuilding

    Leftinbuilding Active Member

    Q. "Where is (regular driver) today?"

    A. "He's auditioning for Chippendale's."
  10. grizbiker

    grizbiker New Member

    Miner, logger or mechanic: Well, what is it?
    Me: Barbie underwear

    Customer: Well, dontcha have 4 wheel drive?
    Me: No, I have 1 wheel drive and chains.
    Customer: Nevermind, we will come to town and pick it up.
  11. Johney

    Johney Well-Known Member

    One of my favorite... Car pulls up...Do you have a package for Smith? can you be more specific? Sure John? Um how about your address? Oh yeah that might help. Or how about the person that chases you down the street after you DR'd a pkg at their front door only to ask you "Did you just ring my bell?" Yes I did, how did you not trip over the pkg I left at your door to chase me down the street?
  12. grizbiker

    grizbiker New Member

    Do you guys have a/c in your trucks?
    Yup, but only in the winter time. Our heaters are great during the summer too!
  13. Re-Raise

    Re-Raise Well-Known Member

    Q What happened to the corner of the package?

    A (while turning the package) Oops I forgot they told us to turn the bad side away from the customer.
  14. Just Lurking

    Just Lurking Member

    Q: Someone said that they are sending me a package when will I get it?

    A: When I deliver it.

    Seriously, it generated a customer concern and talk with. :wince:
  15. Re-Raise

    Re-Raise Well-Known Member

    Q I have a (friend, relative, other) who works for UPS in (insert random far off location) do you know him?

    A blank stare
  16. Re-Raise

    Re-Raise Well-Known Member

    Q Well what is it.

    A It says it is from mini condoms
  17. Just Lurking

    Just Lurking Member


    A young blonde headed lady in white tank top runs across parking waving her arms at me. When she get to the car, she says "I cannot believe that I found you. Can I get my package?" I have no idea who she was and after watching her run across the parking lot, I would have remember if I had seen her before :wink-very: I ask what her address is. She goes "I such and such address". I say "Sorry thats my area. There is four routes between here and your address." She replies "Well my hometown only has one UPS driver."

    I guess her hometown does not have 100K residents and major university with another 30K students or roughly 60 drivers.

    Enjoyed her run across parking though.
  18. Anonymous 10

    Anonymous 10 Guest

    I'm 150ft from your house walking back to my truck the package is right by your door "do you need me to sign for that" yea that's why I left it by your door and I'm ready to drive away.
  19. Anonymous 10

    Anonymous 10 Guest

    Do you want a water. Yes
  20. Anonymous 10

    Anonymous 10 Guest

    My dog doesn't bite. Sure he doesn't