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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Archive
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 4284344" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p><span style="font-size: 18px"><strong>10 funny one-liners from North West comedians......</strong></span></p><p>…... </p><p>"I think animal testing is a terrible idea - they get all nervous and give the wrong answers." - Peter Kay</p><p></p><p>"A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals." - Peter Kay</p><p></p><p>"So this bloke says to me, 'Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?' I thought, "'That's all I need - a Je-hoover's witness.'" - Peter Kay</p><p></p><p>"So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, I thought, 'That's a turtle disaster.'- Peter Kay</p><p></p><p>"We've had to get a live-in nanny, 'cos that dead one wasn't working out." - Lee Mack</p><p></p><p>"I’m in a relationship at the moment. Sorry girls... it’s going to have to be your place." - Lee Mack</p><p></p><p>"I went to see a handwriting expert last week, she could tell I was laid-back, gullible and well-off just from a signature on a cheque." - Lee Mack</p><p></p><p>"I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it." - Ken Dodd</p><p></p><p>"My Dad always knew I was going to be a comedian. When I was a baby he said, 'Is this a joke?'" - Ken Dodd</p><p></p><p>"Five out of every three people have trouble understanding fractions." - Ken Dodd</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 4284344, member: 1246"] [SIZE=5][B]10 funny one-liners from North West comedians......[/B][/SIZE] …... "I think animal testing is a terrible idea - they get all nervous and give the wrong answers." - Peter Kay "A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals." - Peter Kay "So this bloke says to me, 'Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?' I thought, "'That's all I need - a Je-hoover's witness.'" - Peter Kay "So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, I thought, 'That's a turtle disaster.'- Peter Kay "We've had to get a live-in nanny, 'cos that dead one wasn't working out." - Lee Mack "I’m in a relationship at the moment. Sorry girls... it’s going to have to be your place." - Lee Mack "I went to see a handwriting expert last week, she could tell I was laid-back, gullible and well-off just from a signature on a cheque." - Lee Mack "I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it." - Ken Dodd "My Dad always knew I was going to be a comedian. When I was a baby he said, 'Is this a joke?'" - Ken Dodd "Five out of every three people have trouble understanding fractions." - Ken Dodd [/QUOTE]
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