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Heard Any Good Ones: Archive
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<blockquote data-quote="jcroche" data-source="post: 60109"><p>A whole bunch of "blonde" jokes: </p><p> </p><p>THE DIET </p><p> </p><p>A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this </p><p>procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds." When the </p><p>blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor. "No, from skipping." </p><p> </p><p>__________________________________________________ </p><p> </p><p>RIVER WALK </p><p> </p><p>There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a </p><p>river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. </p><p>"Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are on the other side." </p><p>__________________________________________________ </p><p> </p><p>THE INTERVIEW </p><p> </p><p>The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out </p><p>something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?" The blonde quickly responded, "The living one." </p><p> </p><p>__________________________________________________ </p><p> </p><p>MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!! </p><p> </p><p>A police officer stops a blonde for speeding, and </p><p>asks her very nicely if he could see her license. </p><p>Huffily, she replied, "I wish you guys would make up your mind. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show </p><p>it to you!" </p><p> </p><p>__________________________________________________ </p><p> </p><p>NO BRAINER </p><p> </p><p>A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. When it was her turn, she rolled the dice, and landed on "Science &amp; Nature." Her question was, </p><p>"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?" </p><p> </p><p>__________________________________________________ </p><p> </p><p>HELP!!! </p><p> </p><p>An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde </p><p>stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, </p><p>the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room."You can't get out of your room? "Why not?" the captain asked. "There are only three doors in here," she cried, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says, 'Do Not Disturb!'"</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jcroche, post: 60109"] A whole bunch of "blonde" jokes: THE DIET A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor. "No, from skipping." __________________________________________________ RIVER WALK There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are on the other side." __________________________________________________ THE INTERVIEW The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?" The blonde quickly responded, "The living one." __________________________________________________ MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!! A police officer stops a blonde for speeding, and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. Huffily, she replied, "I wish you guys would make up your mind. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!" __________________________________________________ NO BRAINER A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. When it was her turn, she rolled the dice, and landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?" __________________________________________________ HELP!!! An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room."You can't get out of your room? "Why not?" the captain asked. "There are only three doors in here," she cried, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says, 'Do Not Disturb!'" [/QUOTE]
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