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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Archive
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 60110"><p>A young minister, sitting down to dinner was about to say grace </p><p>when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had </p><p>prepared from countless refrigerator leftovers. </p><p> </p><p>"I don't know," he said dubiously. "It seems to me that we've </p><p>blessed all this stuff before." </p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- </p><p>A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and </p><p>said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die </p><p>you will have my remains cremated." </p><p> </p><p>"And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do </p><p>with your ashes?" </p><p> </p><p>The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope </p><p>and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service and </p><p>write on the envelope, 'Now you have everything.'" </p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------ </p><p>A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two </p><p> white coated doctors searching through the flower beds. </p><p> </p><p> "Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?" </p><p> </p><p> "No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a </p><p> heart transplant for an IRS agent and want to find a </p><p> suitable rock." </p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------ </p><p>"I really appreciate you and Dad watching Marvin today, Mom." </p><p> </p><p>Later, Grandma says, "Boy, I'm really worn out. I remember being </p><p>exhausted when our kids were babies, Roy. Now, with grandkids, I'm </p><p>exhausted all over again!" </p><p> </p><p>Grandpa replies, "It's to be expected, Bea. Why do you think they call </p><p>folks our age re-tired?" </p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ </p><p>At my sister's rehearsal dinner, many people offered toasts </p><p>to the bridal couple, whose last name is Quarles; but their </p><p> favorite toast was our mother's: </p><p> </p><p> "Best wishes to the bride and groom, and may all </p><p> their Quarles' be little ones." </p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- </p><p> A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on </p><p> the first day of school: </p><p> </p><p> "If you promise not to believe everything your child says </p><p> happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything </p><p> he says happens at home." </p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------ </p><p> An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she </p><p> requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions </p><p> for her memorial service she wrote, </p><p> "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want </p><p> them to take me out when I'm dead."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 60110"] A young minister, sitting down to dinner was about to say grace when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had prepared from countless refrigerator leftovers. "I don't know," he said dubiously. "It seems to me that we've blessed all this stuff before." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated." "And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?" The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope, 'Now you have everything.'" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds. "Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?" "No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a heart transplant for an IRS agent and want to find a suitable rock." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "I really appreciate you and Dad watching Marvin today, Mom." Later, Grandma says, "Boy, I'm really worn out. I remember being exhausted when our kids were babies, Roy. Now, with grandkids, I'm exhausted all over again!" Grandpa replies, "It's to be expected, Bea. Why do you think they call folks our age re-tired?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ At my sister's rehearsal dinner, many people offered toasts to the bridal couple, whose last name is Quarles; but their favorite toast was our mother's: "Best wishes to the bride and groom, and may all their Quarles' be little ones." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead." [/QUOTE]
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