Home
Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
Latest activity
Members
Current visitors
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Home
Forums
Brown Cafe UPS Forum
Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Archive
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 60119"><p>19 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN </p><p>by Dave Barry </p><p> </p><p>1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative </p><p>on the same night. </p><p> </p><p>2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race </p><p>has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word </p><p>would be "meetings." </p><p> </p><p>3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." </p><p> </p><p>4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost </p><p>never want you to share yours with them. </p><p> </p><p>5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its </p><p>glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, </p><p>as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. </p><p> </p><p>6. You should not confuse your career with your life. </p><p> </p><p>7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too </p><p>seriously. </p><p> </p><p>8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one </p><p>individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. </p><p>Very often, that individual is crazy. </p><p> </p><p>9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. </p><p> </p><p>10. Never lick a steak knife. </p><p> </p><p>11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie. </p><p> </p><p>12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. </p><p> </p><p>13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and </p><p>compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. </p><p> </p><p>14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely </p><p>suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual </p><p>baby emerging from her at that moment. </p><p> </p><p>15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people </p><p>to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. </p><p> </p><p>16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, </p><p>gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep </p><p>down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. </p><p> </p><p>17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to </p><p>annoy people who are not in them. </p><p> </p><p>18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice </p><p>person. </p><p> </p><p>19. Your friends love you anyway. </p><p> </p><p>Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember </p><p>that amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic. </p><p>></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 60119"] 19 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN by Dave Barry 1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings." 3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. 6. You should not confuse your career with your life. 7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. 8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. 9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. 10. Never lick a steak knife. 11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie. 12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. 13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. 14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. 16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. 17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them. 18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. 19. Your friends love you anyway. Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic. > [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Home
Forums
Brown Cafe UPS Forum
Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Archive
Top