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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Archive
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<blockquote data-quote="retired" data-source="post: 61145"><p>SIGNS YOU'RE GETTING OLDER </p><p> </p><p>~ Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work. </p><p>~ The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bi-focals. </p><p>~ You keep repeating yourself. </p><p>~ You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere. </p><p>~ Your little black book contains only names that end in M.D. </p><p>~ You keep repeating yourself. </p><p>~ Your children begin to look middle aged. </p><p>~ You keep repeating yourself. </p><p>~ You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall. </p><p>~ Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet. </p><p>~ You look forward to a dull evening. </p><p>~ Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 Years Ago Today." </p><p>~ You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons. </p><p>~ You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. </p><p>~ Your knees buckle, and your belt won't. </p><p>~ You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 95 around the golf course. </p><p>~ Your back goes out more than you do. </p><p>~ You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there. </p><p>~ You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet. </p><p>~ You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions. </p><p>~ You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead. </p><p>~ You're proud of your lawn mower. </p><p>~ Your best friend is dating someone half their age...and isn't breaking any laws. </p><p>~ Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper. </p><p>~ You would rather go to work than stay home sick. </p><p>~ You make an appointment to see the dentist. </p><p>~ People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?" </p><p>~ You have a dream about prunes. </p><p>~ You answer a question with, "Because I said so." </p><p>~ You send money to PBS. </p><p>~ The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants. </p><p>~ You take a metal detector to the beach. </p><p>~ You wear black socks with sandals. </p><p>~ You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch TV. </p><p>~ Your ears and nose are hairier than your head. </p><p>~ You got cable for the Weather Channel (sometimes referred to as "Old Folks MTV"). </p><p>~ If a young girl looks at you, you check to make sure you remembered to put on your pants. </p><p>~ You keep repeating yourself. </p><p>~ You discover bifocals are stylish. </p><p>~ When you do the "Hokey Pokey" you put your left hip out...and it stays out. </p><p>~ Most women you know under 40 put you in the "Friend of my Father" class. </p><p>~ Relatives smile benignly rather than interrupt you as you retell the same story for the zillionth time. </p><p>~ You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs. </p><p>~ Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments." </p><p>~ People don't harass you any more when you take an afternoon nap. </p><p>~ Your social security number only has three digits. </p><p>~ In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. </p><p>~ Kidnappers are not very interested in you. </p><p>~ No one expects you to run into a burning building. </p><p>~ Restaurants stop asking to see your senior discount card. </p><p>~ People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. </p><p>~ There's nothing left to learn the hard way. </p><p>~ Things you buy now won't wear out. </p><p>~ You buy a compass for the dash of your car. </p><p>~ You can eat dinner at 4:00. </p><p>~ You consider coffee one of the most important things in life. </p><p>~ You constantly talk about the price of gasoline. </p><p>~ You're actually interested in hearing about other people's operations. </p><p>~ You get into a heated argument about pension plans and social security. </p><p>~ You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. </p><p>~ You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. </p><p>~ You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. </p><p>~ You sing along with the elevator music. </p><p>~ You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn. </p><p>~ Your eyes won't get much worse. </p><p>~ Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. </p><p>~ Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service. </p><p>~ Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. </p><p>~ Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size. </p><p>~ People begin sending you lists like this and you say, "Man, it is so funny," but can't remember even one line to recite.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="retired, post: 61145"] SIGNS YOU'RE GETTING OLDER ~ Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work. ~ The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bi-focals. ~ You keep repeating yourself. ~ You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere. ~ Your little black book contains only names that end in M.D. ~ You keep repeating yourself. ~ Your children begin to look middle aged. ~ You keep repeating yourself. ~ You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall. ~ Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet. ~ You look forward to a dull evening. ~ Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 Years Ago Today." ~ You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons. ~ You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. ~ Your knees buckle, and your belt won't. ~ You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 95 around the golf course. ~ Your back goes out more than you do. ~ You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there. ~ You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet. ~ You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions. ~ You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead. ~ You're proud of your lawn mower. ~ Your best friend is dating someone half their age...and isn't breaking any laws. ~ Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper. ~ You would rather go to work than stay home sick. ~ You make an appointment to see the dentist. ~ People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?" ~ You have a dream about prunes. ~ You answer a question with, "Because I said so." ~ You send money to PBS. ~ The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants. ~ You take a metal detector to the beach. ~ You wear black socks with sandals. ~ You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch TV. ~ Your ears and nose are hairier than your head. ~ You got cable for the Weather Channel (sometimes referred to as "Old Folks MTV"). ~ If a young girl looks at you, you check to make sure you remembered to put on your pants. ~ You keep repeating yourself. ~ You discover bifocals are stylish. ~ When you do the "Hokey Pokey" you put your left hip out...and it stays out. ~ Most women you know under 40 put you in the "Friend of my Father" class. ~ Relatives smile benignly rather than interrupt you as you retell the same story for the zillionth time. ~ You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs. ~ Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments." ~ People don't harass you any more when you take an afternoon nap. ~ Your social security number only has three digits. ~ In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. ~ Kidnappers are not very interested in you. ~ No one expects you to run into a burning building. ~ Restaurants stop asking to see your senior discount card. ~ People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. ~ There's nothing left to learn the hard way. ~ Things you buy now won't wear out. ~ You buy a compass for the dash of your car. ~ You can eat dinner at 4:00. ~ You consider coffee one of the most important things in life. ~ You constantly talk about the price of gasoline. ~ You're actually interested in hearing about other people's operations. ~ You get into a heated argument about pension plans and social security. ~ You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. ~ You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. ~ You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. ~ You sing along with the elevator music. ~ You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn. ~ Your eyes won't get much worse. ~ Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. ~ Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service. ~ Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. ~ Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size. ~ People begin sending you lists like this and you say, "Man, it is so funny," but can't remember even one line to recite. [/QUOTE]
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