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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 1115523" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">THE REAL RULES OF GOLF</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">The </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">There are </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces, and bounces just the way you meant to play </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">it.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">of the time.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">universe.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">try to lay up just short of a water hazard.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">To calculate the speed of a </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">player's downswing, multiply the speed of his back swing by his handicap. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">Example: back swing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing 300mph.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">There are two </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">things you can learn by stopping your back swing at the top and checking the </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">glove.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">Hazards attract; fairways repel.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">You can put "draw" on the </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">ball.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">yours.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">ball is in the bunker.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">footprint.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 1115523, member: 1246"] [FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]THE REAL RULES OF GOLF The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree. There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces, and bounces just the way you meant to play it. You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe. If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard. To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his back swing by his handicap. Example: back swing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing 300mph. There are two things you can learn by stopping your back swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove. Hazards attract; fairways repel. You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the ball. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours. If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint. Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it. [/COLOR][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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