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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 1119806" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">RULES OF ETIQUETTE FOR INEXPERIENCED </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">CATS:</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">manage this in time, get to an Oriental rug. Shag is good!</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">Determine </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">quickly which guest hates cats. Sit on that lap during the evening.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">He </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">won't dare push you off and will even call you "nice kitty." If you can arrange </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">to have cat food on your breath, so much the better.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">For sitting on laps </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">or rubbing against trouser legs, select colors which contrast with your </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">own.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">anything. Just sit and stare.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">For guests who say, "I love kitties," be </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">ready with aloof disdain, claws applied to stockings or a quick nip on the </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">ankles.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get one open, stand on </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once the door is opened for you, it is not </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">necessary to use it. You can change your mind. When you have ordered an outside </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">door opened, stand half in and half out and think about several things. This is </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">particularly important during very cold weather or mosquito season.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">If </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">one person is busy and the other is idle, sit with the busy one. For book </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">readers, get in close under the chin, unless you can lie across the book </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">itself.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">For ladies knitting, curl quietly into lap and pretend to dose. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">Then reach out and slap knitting needles sharply. This is what she calls a </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">dropped stitch. She will try to distract you. Ignore it.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">For people doing </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">homework, sit on the paper being worked on. After being removed for the second </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">time, push anything movable off the table -- pens, pencils, stamps -- one at a </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">time.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">Get enough sleep during the daytime so that you are fresh for </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">playing at night between 2 & 4 a.m. </span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 1119806, member: 1246"] [FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]RULES OF ETIQUETTE FOR INEXPERIENCED CATS: If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage this in time, get to an Oriental rug. Shag is good! Determine quickly which guest hates cats. Sit on that lap during the evening. He won't dare push you off and will even call you "nice kitty." If you can arrange to have cat food on your breath, so much the better. For sitting on laps or rubbing against trouser legs, select colors which contrast with your own. Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare. For guests who say, "I love kitties," be ready with aloof disdain, claws applied to stockings or a quick nip on the ankles. Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get one open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once the door is opened for you, it is not necessary to use it. You can change your mind. When you have ordered an outside door opened, stand half in and half out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather or mosquito season. If one person is busy and the other is idle, sit with the busy one. For book readers, get in close under the chin, unless you can lie across the book itself. For ladies knitting, curl quietly into lap and pretend to dose. Then reach out and slap knitting needles sharply. This is what she calls a dropped stitch. She will try to distract you. Ignore it. For people doing homework, sit on the paper being worked on. After being removed for the second time, push anything movable off the table -- pens, pencils, stamps -- one at a time. Get enough sleep during the daytime so that you are fresh for playing at night between 2 & 4 a.m. [/COLOR][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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