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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 237396" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p><span style="color: indigo">How To Drive in Los Angeles</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: #4b0082">1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name: it is L.A.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: #4b0082">2. The morning rush hour is 5:00 AM. to noon. The evening rush hour is noon to 7:00 PM. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: #4b0082">3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 MPH. On the 105 or 110, your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is considered "wussy".</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: #4b0082">4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. L.A. has it's own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a 4-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in Malibu, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: #4b0082">5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: #4b0082">6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: #4b0082">7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of L.A. and Orange counties. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: #4b0082">8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, celebs. rubber-neckers, shredded tires, cell-phoners, deer and other road kill, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: #4b0082">9. Map Quest does not work here....none of the roads are where they say they are or go where they say they do and all the freeway off & on ramps are moved each night.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: #4b0082">10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated".</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: #4b0082">11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 MPH zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly.....if you return the flip, you'll be shot.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: #4b0082">12. Do not try to estimate travel time .... just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: #4b0082">And finally.....why is the L.A. freeway called the "405" ??</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: #4b0082">Because no matter where you are going, it takes 4 or 5 hours to get there.</span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 237396, member: 1246"] [COLOR=indigo]How To Drive in Los Angeles[/COLOR] [COLOR=#4b0082]1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name: it is L.A.[/COLOR] [COLOR=#4b0082]2. The morning rush hour is 5:00 AM. to noon. The evening rush hour is noon to 7:00 PM. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.[/COLOR] [COLOR=#4b0082]3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 MPH. On the 105 or 110, your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is considered "wussy".[/COLOR] [COLOR=#4b0082]4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. L.A. has it's own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a 4-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in Malibu, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.[/COLOR] [COLOR=#4b0082]5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot.[/COLOR] [COLOR=#4b0082]6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.[/COLOR] [COLOR=#4b0082]7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of L.A. and Orange counties. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.[/COLOR] [COLOR=#4b0082]8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, celebs. rubber-neckers, shredded tires, cell-phoners, deer and other road kill, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.[/COLOR] [COLOR=#4b0082]9. Map Quest does not work here....none of the roads are where they say they are or go where they say they do and all the freeway off & on ramps are moved each night.[/COLOR] [COLOR=#4b0082]10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated".[/COLOR] [COLOR=#4b0082]11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 MPH zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly.....if you return the flip, you'll be shot.[/COLOR] [COLOR=#4b0082]12. Do not try to estimate travel time .... just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.[/COLOR] [COLOR=#4b0082]And finally.....why is the L.A. freeway called the "405" ??[/COLOR] [COLOR=#4b0082]Because no matter where you are going, it takes 4 or 5 hours to get there.[/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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