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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="705red" data-source="post: 276818" data-attributes="member: 5229"><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." </span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">He proceeded to talk up a storm.</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door: </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipate d.</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook. </span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/group1/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="Censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/group1/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="Censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/group1/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="Censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/group1/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="Censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/group1/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="Censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> out of him.</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass. </span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" </span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God. </span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'">14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's. </span></span></span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="705red, post: 276818, member: 5229"] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=5][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT='Comic Sans MS']A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=2][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=5][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT='Comic Sans MS']After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=2][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=5][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT='Comic Sans MS']The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=2][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=5][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT='Comic Sans MS']So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=2][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=5][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT='Comic Sans MS']At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=2][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=5][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT='Comic Sans MS']He proceeded to talk up a storm.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=2][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [COLOR=green][FONT='Comic Sans MS']Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door: [/FONT][/COLOR][FONT=Arial][SIZE=2][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=5][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT='Comic Sans MS']1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=2][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=5][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT='Comic Sans MS']2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=2][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=5][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT='Comic Sans MS']3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=2][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=5][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT='Comic Sans MS']4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipate d.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=2][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=5][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT='Comic Sans MS']5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=2][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=5][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT='Comic Sans MS']6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=2][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=5][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT='Comic Sans MS']7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook. [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=2][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=5][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT='Comic Sans MS']8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the :censored::censored::censored::censored::censored: out of him.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=2][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=5][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT='Comic Sans MS']9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass. [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=2][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=5][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT='Comic Sans MS']10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=2][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=5][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT='Comic Sans MS']11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=2][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=5][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT='Comic Sans MS']12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=2][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=5][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT='Comic Sans MS']13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God. [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=2][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=5][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT='Comic Sans MS']14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's. [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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