Reply to thread

Message: <blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 439374" data-attributes="member: 1246">The Twelve Days of Christmas Cutbacks   Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:    1. The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, whichnever produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance;   2. Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated;   3. The three French hens will remain intact. After all,everyone loves the French;    4. The four calling birds will be replaced by an automatedvoice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysisis underway to determine who the birds have been calling,how often and how long they talked;  5. The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Boardof Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commoditycould have negative implications for institutionalinvestors. Diversification into other precious metals, aswell as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks, appearto be in order;  6. The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can nolonger be afforded. It has long been felt that theproduction rate of one egg per goose per day was an exampleof the general decline in productivity. Three geese will belet go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure bypersonnel will assure management that, from now on, everygoose it gets will be a good one;    7. The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosenin better times. The function is primarily decorative.Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby enhancing theiroutplacement;  8. As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has beenunder heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance inthe workforce is being sought. The more militant maidsconsider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility.Automation of the process may permit the maids to trya-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching;  9. Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. Thisfunction will be phased out as these individuals grow olderand can no longer do the steps;  10. Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost ofLords, plus the expense of international air travel,prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacingthis group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leapingability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings aresignificant as we expect an oversupply of unemployedcongressmen this year;  11. Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is asimple case of the band getting too big. A substitution witha string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms,will produce savings which will drop right to the bottomline;  Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assortedpeople, fowl, animals and related expenses. Thoughincomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries overtwelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day,service levels will be improved.  Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney'sassociation seeking expansion to include the legalprofession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), adecision is pending.  Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remaincompetitive. Should that happen, the Board will requestmanagement to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see ifseven dwarfs is the right number.</blockquote>

Verification