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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 480494" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">RED SKELTON'S TIPS FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida and mine is in Boston.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">3. I take my wife everywhere.....but she keeps finding her way back.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">11. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">12. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">13. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">14. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"</span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'MS Sans Serif'"></span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 480494, member: 1246"] [FONT=Arial]RED SKELTON'S TIPS FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE 1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida and mine is in Boston. 3. I take my wife everywhere.....but she keeps finding her way back. 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen. 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair. 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake." 8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!" 11. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. 12. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. 13. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. 14. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"[/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=2][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=MS Sans Serif][SIZE=2][FONT=MS Sans Serif] [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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