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Message: <blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 627447" data-attributes="member: 1246">These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court.  ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there.  ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning ?WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?  ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.  ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you ****t'in me?  ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORN EY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!  ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Are you ****t'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?  ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death.ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?  ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Guess.  ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.   ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to re-phrase that?  ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral.  ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!  ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?  And the best for last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the au topsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.</blockquote>

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