Reply to thread

Message

<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 732889" data-attributes="member: 1246">few thoughts from Jack Handy&nbsp;------- Jack Handy&nbsp;You know those shows where people call in and vote on different issues? Did you ever notice there&#039;s always like 18% &quot;I don&#039;t know!&quot; It costs 90 cents to call up and vote, and they&#039;re voting &quot;I don&#039;t know!&quot; You might hear a couple talking, one of the two saying, &quot;Honey, I feel very strongly about this. Give me the phone. (Saying Into phone) &quot;I don&#039;t know!&quot; (hangs up, looking very proud). Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe you&#039;re not sure about!&quot; This guy probably calls up phone sex girls for $2.95: (into phone) &quot;I&#039;m not in the mood.&quot; &nbsp;Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I&#039;ll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I&#039;m gone, but you know what I&#039;ve left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it&#039;s head with a note that says &quot;You.&quot; After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.&nbsp;I was going to commit suicide the other day. I must not have been serious because I bought a beach towel. &nbsp;Whenever anybody says he&#039;s struggling to become a human being I have to laugh because the apes beat him to it by about a million years. Struggle to become a parrot or something.&nbsp;If I ever become a mummy, I&#039;m going to have it so when somebody opens my lid, a boxing glove on a spring shoots out. &nbsp;My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth - that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally - but I didn&#039;t want to upset him.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 732889, member: 1246"] few thoughts from Jack Handy [I]-------[/I] Jack Handy [FONT=Georgia]You know those shows where people call in and vote on different issues? Did you ever notice there's always like 18% "I don't know!" It costs 90 cents to call up and vote, and they're voting "I don't know!" You might hear a couple talking, one of the two saying, "Honey, I feel very strongly about this. Give me the phone. (Saying Into phone) "I don't know!" (hangs up, looking very proud). Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe you're not sure about!" This guy probably calls up phone sex girls for $2.95: (into phone) "I'm not in the mood." Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done. I was going to commit suicide the other day. I must not have been serious because I bought a beach towel. Whenever anybody says he's struggling to become a human being I have to laugh because the apes beat him to it by about a million years. Struggle to become a parrot or something. If I ever become a mummy, I'm going to have it so when somebody opens my lid, a boxing glove on a spring shoots out. My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth - that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally - but I didn't want to upset him. [/FONT] [/QUOTE]

Verification