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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 778083" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"> </span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">Ponderisms.....</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"> </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"> </span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"> If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it? </span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"> There are three religious truths: </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"> a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"> b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"> c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or Hooters. </span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"> If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"> If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"> Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"> Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist? </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"> </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"> Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"> If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians </span><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"></span><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"> I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me .............</span><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">they're cramming for their final exam.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"> I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers </span><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">use Toothpicks? </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"> Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put </span><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail? </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"> If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"> You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"> </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"> Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? </span></span></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"> Whatever happened to Preparations A through G? </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells ... 'THEIRS'?</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 778083, member: 1246"] [SIZE=2][FONT=Tahoma] Ponderisms..... [/FONT][/SIZE][FONT=Tahoma] If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it? There are three religious truths: [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][FONT=Tahoma] a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. [/FONT][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][FONT=Tahoma] b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. [/FONT][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][FONT=Tahoma] c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or Hooters. [/FONT][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][FONT=Tahoma] If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist? Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians [/FONT][FONT=Tahoma]denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? [/FONT][FONT=Tahoma] I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me .............[/FONT][FONT=Tahoma]they're cramming for their final exam. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers [/FONT][FONT=Tahoma]use Toothpicks? Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put [/FONT][FONT=Tahoma]their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail? If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.[/FONT][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][FONT=Tahoma] Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? [/FONT][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][FONT=Tahoma] [/FONT][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][FONT=Tahoma] Whatever happened to Preparations A through G? At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells ... 'THEIRS'?[/FONT][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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