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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 785454" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p><strong><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'">I Love This Doctor!!!!</span></span></strong></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black">Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black">A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it--don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black"><strong>Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? </strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black">A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black"><strong>Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? </strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black">A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up! </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black"><strong>Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? </strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black">A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black"><strong>Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? </strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black">A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain---.good!</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black"><strong>Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? </strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black">A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!? </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black"><strong>Q</strong>: <strong>Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? </strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black">A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black"><strong>Q: Is chocolate bad for me? </strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black">A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around! </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black"><strong>Q: Is swimming good for your figure? </strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black">A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me.. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black"><strong>Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle? </strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black">A: Hey! 'Round' a shape! </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black">Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black">AND--..</span></span></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black">For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.</span></span></strong></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black">1. The Japanese eat very little fat</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black">and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black">2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black">and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black">3. The Chinese drink very little red wine </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black">and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black">4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black">and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black">5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black">and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black">CONCLUSION:</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'"><span style="color: black"><strong>Eat and drink what you like... Speaking English is apparently what kills you.</strong></span></span></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'sans-serif'">The above is ONLY a parody, it is not meant to be taken seriously.</span></span></strong></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 785454, member: 1246"] [B][COLOR=black][FONT=sans-serif]I Love This Doctor!!!![/FONT][/COLOR][/B] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black]Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black]A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it--don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap. [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black][B]Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? [/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black]A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product. [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black][B]Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? [/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black]A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up! [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black][B]Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? [/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black]A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc. [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black][B]Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? [/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black]A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain---.good![/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black][B]Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? [/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black]A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!? [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black][B]Q[/B]: [B]Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? [/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black]A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach. [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black][B]Q: Is chocolate bad for me? [/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black]A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around! [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black][B]Q: Is swimming good for your figure? [/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black]A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me.. [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black][B]Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle? [/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black]A: Hey! 'Round' a shape! [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black]Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black]AND--..[/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black]For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.[/COLOR][/FONT][/B] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black]1. The Japanese eat very little fat[/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black]and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.[/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black]2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat[/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black]and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black]3. The Chinese drink very little red wine [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black]and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.[/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black]4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine[/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black]and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black]5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black]and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. [/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black]CONCLUSION:[/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=sans-serif][COLOR=black][B]Eat and drink what you like... Speaking English is apparently what kills you.[/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][COLOR=red][FONT=sans-serif]The above is ONLY a parody, it is not meant to be taken seriously.[/FONT][/COLOR][/B] [/QUOTE]
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