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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 790214" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">MILITARY INFORMATION - A Synopsis</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">Marine Corps Rules:</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">01. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">02. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">03. Have a plan.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">04. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">05. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet that is trying to kill you..</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">06. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a '4.'</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">07. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">08. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">09. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect your six.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">Navy SEAL Rules:</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">1. Look very cool in sunglasses.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">2. Kill every living thing within view.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">3. Adjust Speedo.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">4. Check hair in mirror.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">5. Double back to shoot every dead thing within view.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">US Army Rangers Rules:</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">2. Locate individuals requiring killing.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">3. Request permission via radio from 'Higher' Command to perform killing.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">US Army Rules:</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">3. Curse bitterly.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">4. Curse bitterly.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">5. Do not listen to 2nd LTs; it can get you killed.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">6. Curse bitterly.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">US Air Force Rules:</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">01. Have a cocktail.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">02. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">03. See what's on HBO.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">04. Ask 'What is a gunfight?'</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">05. Request more funding from Congress with a 'killer' Power Point presentation.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">06. Wine & dine ''key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">07. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">08. Declare the assets 'strategic' and never deploy them operationally.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">09. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">US Navy Rules:</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">1. Go to Sea.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">2. Drink Coffee.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">3. Deploy Marines</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">Go Navy!</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">And the next... (You've got to love the military, and God bless them all.)</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">U.S. Navy Directive 16134 ( Inappropriate T-Shirts )</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">The following directive was issued by the commanding officer of all naval</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">installations in the Middle East . (It was obviously directed at the Marines.)</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">To: All Commands Subject: Inappropriate T-Shirts Ref: ComMidEast</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">For Inst 16134//24 K</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">All commanders promulgate upon receipt. The following T-shirts are</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">no longer to be worn on or off base by any military or civilian</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">personnel serving in the Middle East:</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">1. 'Eat Pork or Die' [both English and Arabic versions]</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">2. 'Shrine Busters' [Various. Show burning minarets or bomb/artillery</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">shells impacting Islamic shrines. Some with unit logos.]</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">3. 'Napalm, Sticks Like Crazy' [Both English and Arabic versions]</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">4. 'Goat - it isn't just for breakfast any more.' [Both English and Arabic versions]</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">5. 'The road to Paradise begins with me.' [Mostly Arabic versions, but</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">some in English. Some show sniper scope cross-hairs.]</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">6. 'Guns don't kill people. I kill people. "Hoorah"' [Both Arabic and English versions]</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">7. 'Pork. The other white meat.' [Arabic version]</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">8. 'Infidel' [English, Arabic and other coalition force languages.]</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">The above T-shirts are to be removed from Post Exchanges upon receipt</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">of this directive. In addition, the following signs are to be removed upon</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">receipt of this message:</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">1. 'Islamic Religious Services Will Be Held at the Firing Range at 0800 Daily.'</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">2. 'Do we really need 'smart bombs' to drop on these dumb bastards?'</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px">All commands are instructed to implement sensitivity training upon receipt.</span></span> </p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 790214, member: 1246"] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]MILITARY INFORMATION - A Synopsis[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4]Marine Corps Rules: 01. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one. 02. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough. 03. Have a plan. 04. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work. 05. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet that is trying to kill you.. 06. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a '4.' 07. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive. 08. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend (Lateral & diagonal preferred.) 09. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. 10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect your six. 11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose. 12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived. 13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot. Navy SEAL Rules: 1. Look very cool in sunglasses. 2. Kill every living thing within view. 3. Adjust Speedo. 4. Check hair in mirror. 5. Double back to shoot every dead thing within view. US Army Rangers Rules: 1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving. 2. Locate individuals requiring killing. 3. Request permission via radio from 'Higher' Command to perform killing. 4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted. 5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving. US Army Rules: 1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order. 2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee. 3. Curse bitterly. 4. Curse bitterly. 5. Do not listen to 2nd LTs; it can get you killed. 6. Curse bitterly. US Air Force Rules: 01. Have a cocktail. 02. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner. 03. See what's on HBO. 04. Ask 'What is a gunfight?' 05. Request more funding from Congress with a 'killer' Power Point presentation. 06. Wine & dine ''key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives. 07. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets. 08. Declare the assets 'strategic' and never deploy them operationally. 09. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time. 10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption. US Navy Rules: 1. Go to Sea. 2. Drink Coffee. 3. Deploy Marines Go Navy! And the next... (You've got to love the military, and God bless them all.) U.S. Navy Directive 16134 ( Inappropriate T-Shirts ) The following directive was issued by the commanding officer of all naval installations in the Middle East . (It was obviously directed at the Marines.) To: All Commands Subject: Inappropriate T-Shirts Ref: ComMidEast For Inst 16134//24 K All commanders promulgate upon receipt. The following T-shirts are no longer to be worn on or off base by any military or civilian personnel serving in the Middle East: 1. 'Eat Pork or Die' [both English and Arabic versions] 2. 'Shrine Busters' [Various. Show burning minarets or bomb/artillery shells impacting Islamic shrines. Some with unit logos.] 3. 'Napalm, Sticks Like Crazy' [Both English and Arabic versions] 4. 'Goat - it isn't just for breakfast any more.' [Both English and Arabic versions] 5. 'The road to Paradise begins with me.' [Mostly Arabic versions, but some in English. Some show sniper scope cross-hairs.] 6. 'Guns don't kill people. I kill people. "Hoorah"' [Both Arabic and English versions] 7. 'Pork. The other white meat.' [Arabic version] 8. 'Infidel' [English, Arabic and other coalition force languages.] The above T-shirts are to be removed from Post Exchanges upon receipt of this directive. In addition, the following signs are to be removed upon receipt of this message: 1. 'Islamic Religious Services Will Be Held at the Firing Range at 0800 Daily.' 2. 'Do we really need 'smart bombs' to drop on these dumb bastards?' All commands are instructed to implement sensitivity training upon receipt.[/SIZE][/FONT] [SIZE=2] [/SIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Calibri] [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana][/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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