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Life After Brown
Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="moreluck" data-source="post: 97999" data-attributes="member: 1246"><p><strong>Re: Heard any good ones?</strong></p><p></p><p><em><strong>Subject:</strong></em> IRS</p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with an attorney.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">fulltime employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">demonstration?" The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">eye." The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The auditor's jaw drops. Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">that I can bite my other eye."</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">between."</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">again.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">hands.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">"Are you okay?" The auditor asks.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">could come in here and piss all over an IRS official's desk and that you'd</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">be happy about it.</span></p><p> </p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="moreluck, post: 97999, member: 1246"] [b]Re: Heard any good ones?[/b] [I][B]Subject:[/B][/I] IRS [FONT=Arial] The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with an attorney.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]fulltime employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]demonstration?" The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]eye." The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]The auditor's jaw drops. Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]that I can bite my other eye."[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]between."[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]again.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]hands.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]"Are you okay?" The auditor asks.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]could come in here and piss all over an IRS official's desk and that you'd[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]be happy about it.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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Heard Any Good Ones: Part 2
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