How to cook a Panda?

Discussion in 'FedEx Discussions' started by thedownhillEXPRESS, May 19, 2014.

  1. thedownhillEXPRESS

    thedownhillEXPRESS Well-Known Member

    Does anyone know?
    Is it best over hickory or mesquite?
    Has Fedex in Memphis put this information out to the public yet?
    And finally,is Matt Thornton III really just a talking panda bear?

    Thought this thread title would be a funny google search result.
    Last edited: May 19, 2014
  2. Gumby

    Gumby *

    How to cook, Freddie Panda Smith? Is that real question?...If you put sugar on crap, Its still...CRAP!
  3. thedownhillEXPRESS

    thedownhillEXPRESS Well-Known Member

    But what kind of wood chips should I smoke my crap over!? Lol
  4. Gumby

    Gumby *

    Fedex ground!
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  5. overflowed

    overflowed Well-Known Member

    Best AnswerAsker's Choice

    • Guru Hank answered 2 years ago
    Pandas were once thought to be some sort of giant racoon, however genetic tests have now confirmed that both the Giant Panda, and its smaller Red cousin, are in fact part of the bear family. Here is a recipe for jerky, which should keep you from gettin hungry during your trip:

    The Best Panda Jerky you ever ate:

    (Because of low temperature cooking, Panda meat like pork, must be certified. To do this, put your meat in the freezer for 30 days prior to using.)

    For 5 Lbs. Of Meat:

    1 cup - Lea & Perrins Worcestershire sauce

    1 cup - Kikoman Soy Sauce

    2 tbsp. - Liquid Smoke (Wright’s is best if available)

    1 tbsp. - Salt

    1 tbsp. – Pepper

    Any spices you like, add to it. Soak overnight.

    Sprinkle Pepper or Cayenne Pepper on when you are ready to dry it or smoke it on low heat until dry.

    You may add salt to taste.

    Panda meat also makes a delicious sausage. Use any Bratwurst recipe.
    Asker's rating & comment

    Bon appetit!
  6. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Chinese scientists have found evidence that prehistoric people ate giant pandas. The Explainer has previously described the flavors of whale, sloth, dinosaur, horse, and even human. How does giant panda meat taste?

    Terrible, apparently. In 1983, a Chinese villager named Leng Zhizhong was tried for illegally killing a giant panda. He told the judge that his wife cooked the meat with turnips, but they didn’t enjoy it, so he fed some to his pigs and gave the remainder to his sister. Leng, unfortunately, didn’t explain what made the meat so unpalatable in what appears to be the only written description of panda-eating. Rural Chinese people have no tradition of eating the animal, and some ethnic groups may have considered the practice forbidden. When President Theodore Roosevelt’s sons, Kermit and Theodore IV, killed a giant panda in 1928, their local guides refused to join them in eating the meat and called in a priest to purify the hayloft where the beast had been butchered. (The Roosevelt boys left no description of the taste.) Today, the penalty for killing a panda is several years in prison.

    It’s tempting to assume that giant pandas would taste like other members of the taxonomic family Ursidae, such as black and brown bears, which were a regular part of the frontier diet in 18th-century North America. Bear meat is darker and fattier than beef, although similar in flavor. The problem with the comparison, though, is that an animal’s diet greatly affects the flavor of its own flesh. Bears that dine mainly on salmon, for example, taste worse than those with a more varied diet. Since 99 percent of a giant panda’s diet is bamboo—with the occasional addition of a rodent, bird, or fish that popped out of a stream—it’s very unlikely that its flesh tastes anything like that of other bears.

    The red panda, which is not directly related to the giant panda, has also largely avoided human gastronomic interest.* There are growing reports, however, of Chinese restaurants keeping live, caged red pandas and offering their meat to guests. Descriptions of the experience are rare, suggesting that the animal may also be unpalatable.

    *Correction, Oct. 16, 2012: This article originally stated that red pandas and giant pandas are closely related.

    I say we should see if there is a recipe for Thornton.
  7. Doc Sorting Dude

    Doc Sorting Dude Active Member

    Hey you can have the meat, Save the coat for me.
  8. Goldilocks

    Goldilocks Well-Known Member

    I like mine cooked med rare, skip the Memphis sauce, and purple coals.
  9. hypo hanna

    hypo hanna Well-Known Member

    I would question the safety of any meat that flew on a fedex plane.
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  10. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Since pandas are now apparently in disfavor with FedEx, your next BBQ might have some black and white fur in it.