MrFedEx
Engorged Member
Dear Team Members,
Bravo Zulu!! I'm proud to announce our new DO (Drugs Overnight) and DE (Drugs Economy) services. Now that our online pharmacy revenue stream has been...umm...temporarily disabled, we need to step-up and build sales and revenues from other sources. Since we are already America's Drug Airline, I'm proud to announce these important new additions to the FedEx Express "rainbow of services". Here are some details.
DO: Guarantees illicit delivery of your vital recreational and commercial drug needs. Any drug, whether illicit or legal, is absolutely, positively, going to be in the hands of the dealer, user, intermediary, pusher, pimp....anyone who needs their dope...by 1030. DE: Same as DO, but illicit delivery (ID) guaranteed by 1500. We'll deliver to daycares, elementary schools, old folks homes, vacant lots, cars...ANYWHERE!! We'll even meet you at an intersection if you call our 1-800-4DRUGEX hotline and ask for SDS (Skank Delivery Services). For an extra $50, we will most definitely look the other way....as we have been now for 41 years. Need supplies to cook your meth? We are there. Syringes, pipes, and needles...we will never say anything about what we ship...as long as the long green makes it's way to me and Big Daddy Smith.
We promise that ALL employees will look the other way, and do everything possible to divert police and other government authorities away from your vital package. So, I need EVERY employee to get to work and get serious about these exciting new products. Know a hype or dealer? Get them informed and on-board!! How about those pimps and prostitutes? Every town has some...make contact and turn-in a Sales Lead!! Anyone you know who uses, supplies, transports, or manufactures drugs needs to know about DO and DE!!
Perhaps you've heard that we can't deliver our PO and F1 products on-time because we are short of lift, employees, and competent management...TRUE,TRUE, TRUE!! But because drugs are our bread and butter, DO and DE take priority over ALL OTHER SERVICES.
Plus, we are fighting in Congress and through the courts to get back our lucrative online pharmacy business dollars. Sales is vey close to inking a deal with the Prince of Nigeria, and we are hoping to add new online dealers...uh...partners, in China, North Korea, and Pakistan. We have been transporting dope and other illicit items for so long that we are your only source for drug transport throughout the world. Once, we even smuggled 100# of heroin in a panda's stomach to the Washington Zoo...that is EXPERIENCE.
We are dirty from top to bottom, so TRUST US WITH YOUR DOPE!! Heck, make it worth our time, and I'll personally deliver it to you via Happy Hands 1 (minimum transaction of $1M). BRAVO ZULU!!
Love and Kisses,
Uncle Matt
Bravo Zulu!! I'm proud to announce our new DO (Drugs Overnight) and DE (Drugs Economy) services. Now that our online pharmacy revenue stream has been...umm...temporarily disabled, we need to step-up and build sales and revenues from other sources. Since we are already America's Drug Airline, I'm proud to announce these important new additions to the FedEx Express "rainbow of services". Here are some details.
DO: Guarantees illicit delivery of your vital recreational and commercial drug needs. Any drug, whether illicit or legal, is absolutely, positively, going to be in the hands of the dealer, user, intermediary, pusher, pimp....anyone who needs their dope...by 1030. DE: Same as DO, but illicit delivery (ID) guaranteed by 1500. We'll deliver to daycares, elementary schools, old folks homes, vacant lots, cars...ANYWHERE!! We'll even meet you at an intersection if you call our 1-800-4DRUGEX hotline and ask for SDS (Skank Delivery Services). For an extra $50, we will most definitely look the other way....as we have been now for 41 years. Need supplies to cook your meth? We are there. Syringes, pipes, and needles...we will never say anything about what we ship...as long as the long green makes it's way to me and Big Daddy Smith.
We promise that ALL employees will look the other way, and do everything possible to divert police and other government authorities away from your vital package. So, I need EVERY employee to get to work and get serious about these exciting new products. Know a hype or dealer? Get them informed and on-board!! How about those pimps and prostitutes? Every town has some...make contact and turn-in a Sales Lead!! Anyone you know who uses, supplies, transports, or manufactures drugs needs to know about DO and DE!!
Perhaps you've heard that we can't deliver our PO and F1 products on-time because we are short of lift, employees, and competent management...TRUE,TRUE, TRUE!! But because drugs are our bread and butter, DO and DE take priority over ALL OTHER SERVICES.
Plus, we are fighting in Congress and through the courts to get back our lucrative online pharmacy business dollars. Sales is vey close to inking a deal with the Prince of Nigeria, and we are hoping to add new online dealers...uh...partners, in China, North Korea, and Pakistan. We have been transporting dope and other illicit items for so long that we are your only source for drug transport throughout the world. Once, we even smuggled 100# of heroin in a panda's stomach to the Washington Zoo...that is EXPERIENCE.
We are dirty from top to bottom, so TRUST US WITH YOUR DOPE!! Heck, make it worth our time, and I'll personally deliver it to you via Happy Hands 1 (minimum transaction of $1M). BRAVO ZULU!!
Love and Kisses,
Uncle Matt
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