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No pun in 10 did
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<blockquote data-quote="Catatonic" data-source="post: 379158" data-attributes="member: 7966"><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 22px">I LOVE a good pun. (Or bad, whichever way you see it!)</span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 22px"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 22px"></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen,</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">only one carrion allowed per passenger." </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">the lesser of two weevils. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">you can't have your kayak and heat it, too. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">transcend dental medication. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. </span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. Because," he said, </span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">"I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of </span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close They ignored him. So,the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious </span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, proving that </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him......</span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A super callused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">10. And finally, there was a woman who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">no pun in ten did.</span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Catatonic, post: 379158, member: 7966"] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=6]I LOVE a good pun. (Or bad, whichever way you see it!)[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=6] [/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][FONT=Arial]1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger." [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][FONT=Arial]2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils. [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][FONT=Arial]3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too. [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][FONT=Arial]4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][FONT=Arial]5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication. [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][FONT=Arial]6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][FONT=Arial]After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. Because," he said, [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][FONT=Arial]"I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][FONT=Arial]7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][FONT=Arial]himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][FONT=Arial]8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close They ignored him. So,the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][FONT=Arial]thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars. [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][FONT=Arial]9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him......[/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][FONT=Arial]A super callused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis. [/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=5][FONT=Arial]10. And finally, there was a woman who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.[/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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