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<blockquote data-quote="MonavieLeaker" data-source="post: 549110" data-attributes="member: 9149"><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">[SIZE=-1]My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">She asked, 'What's on TV?' </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">I said, 'Dust.' </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">And then the fight started... </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">I bought her a scale. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">And then the fight started... </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive… </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">so, I took her to a gas station. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">And then the fight started... </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">And then the fight started... </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">And then the fight started... </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">Nah, she can order for herself." </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">And then the fight started... </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">And then the fight started..... </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">And then the fight started.... </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">and then the fight started..... </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?" </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">And that's when the fight started.... </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">"No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">"Then I'd like to phone a friend." </span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'arial'">And that's when the fight started....[/SIZE]</span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MonavieLeaker, post: 549110, member: 9149"] [FONT=arial][SIZE=-1]My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started... My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started... When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive… so, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started... After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started... My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started... I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for herself." And then the fight started... A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight started..... I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And then the fight started.... My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday and then the fight started..... I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?" And that's when the fight started.... My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started....[/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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