Problem Neighbor

Discussion in 'Life After Brown' started by Harry Manback, Aug 18, 2007.

  1. Harry Manback

    Harry Manback Robot Extraordinaire

    Anyone ever had one? I sure do. First of all, I don't want to come off sounding like a bigot, because I'm not. I'm not homophobic, I could care less what the average person likes to do within the confines of their own home. That being said, I'll explain.

    The neighbors, two houses down from me, enjoy pissing me off. Seems, their driveway is a terrible place to park their vehicle. So instead, they choose to park their ultra masculine 4x4 (got the towing package just in case they ever have to pull an aircraft carrier into dry dock) trucks in front of my house. The problem is, I work hard for a living. (as all of us do) I also take pride in caring for my yard if for no one's but my own visual pleasure. The last thing I want to see is Bigfoot parked in front of it.

    I've tried to be civil with these ladies. I used to speak, say hello and the like. I've even gone over to ask politely that, they not park there. But I'm afraid it's been to no avail. What we're dealing with here, is uber butch lesbians of the man-hating, "God I wish I was born with a penis!" variety. They simply don't respect me, and I'm afraid they've taken my kindness for a weakness.

    I've spoken with a few sheriff deputies I've come across about it. They've informed me, I've not much recourse. Legally, they can park penis envy machines in front of my house all they want.

    So, Im looking for a strong but legal deterrent to put these broads on their heels. Any suggestions?
  2. scratch

    scratch Least Best Moderator Staff Member

    If your neighbors want to be so "Macho", then why don't they park Big Foot in their own grass? I know that in some neighborhoods, the local laws or subdivision covenants prevent cars from being parked in the streets.
  3. moreluck

    moreluck golden ticket member

    Like Scratch said.......if anyone parks on the street past midnight here, they'll get towed unless they have a special sticker on their car for the night that is obtained from the association.

    Also, if we have 2 cars and we have a 2 car garage.....the 2 cars must be in the garage driveway parking unless you have 3 cars.

    At times, I complain about some of the rules, but I guess they do serve a purpose.
  4. traveler

    traveler Where next? Venice

    Short of any other remedies that have been suggested (I assume there is no homeowners association where you are) and if you are at your wits end, for a few hundred you could buy a junker and park in front of their house.

    You may be able to get a mutual agreement on parking etiquette this way.
  5. over9five

    over9five Moderator Staff Member

    Disgusting people.

    Unfortunately, in our current state of society, you can do nothing LEGAL OR ILLEGAL.

    Anything you do will be considered a hate crime. Even if you pursue this legally, they will whip out the gay card. You will be a gay hater, a homophobe, a bigot, a no-tolerance .....

    They have the upper hand in our decaying country. There's a lot of sick people right on this website who will defend these kind of people.

    Get used to it, and enjoy your view of their vehicles.
  6. longlunchguy

    longlunchguy Runnin on Empty

    Let your dog piss on their tires. Don't have a dog? Get a dog and let him piss on their tires. Make sure they see you (and the dog) Then smile and wave and say "Hi Neighbor"
  7. over9five

    over9five Moderator Staff Member

    "Let your dog piss on their tires. "

    You gay hating homophobe!

    J/K, but you can see where I think that would go!
  8. 30andout

    30andout New Member

    Better yet, go piss on their tires yourself. I could suggest a lot of things, but you said legal.
  9. toonertoo

    toonertoo Most Awesome Dog Staff Member

    Get cats, they just love to crawl on the hoods and roofs, and claw the paint. And they just love to pee inside them.
    I like the idea of putting a junker in front of their house. They may get a rise out of it. If you arent in one of those protected communities, you have little recourse. The "treelawn" is fair game for garage salers to park on, etc. You have to maintain it, but its really not yours. It sucks. Maybe a nice big tall fence, for your aesthetic value. Good Luck.
  10. Raw

    Raw Raw Member

    Set the truck on fire!!
  11. Sammie

    Sammie Well-Known Member

    Harry, Sorry to hear you are also cursed with an asinine neighbor.

    We've been in our home 12 years and no problems until "Grizzley Adams" moved in next door 2 years ago. He's a big, burley construction worker who never cuts or waters his lawn, he bought several cats and never lets them in his house (summer or winter) and we neighbors end up feeding them. They also ate all of the fish out of our pond because they were so hungry.

    He got a dog that barked about 16 hours a day (no joke) but the cops took care of that. No more dog.

    And the idiot kept his boat parked in front of our house until our
    Association told him to move it onto his own property. (Which was a bluff, but he didn't know that.)

    My suggestions to you -

    Do you live in a neighborhood that has an Association? If so, give them a call.

    Or call the city and report it.

    Block them in with your cars. (Or a friend’s extra vehicle.)

    Park in front of their house.

    Make sure your guests do the same.

    Park your vehicles in front of your own house (or have a neighbor or a friend do this for you)

    Start watering with the hose or sprinkler system and make sure their car gets water spotted and dirty.

    Axle grease on the door handles

    Let the air out of a tire or two

    Put a fish in their tailpipe. It will fester and make the whole car smell really nasty.

    If it doesn't affect your mailman or where you park, toss a few nails on the pavement. Or gee, you accidentally dropped and broke that glass bottle there and forgot to sweep it up!

  12. moreluck

    moreluck golden ticket member

    The smell of fish in a lesbian pair's truck.......:lol::lol::lol::lol:

    Sammie, you should write a book on "getting back at people"
  13. 705red

    705red Browncafe Steward

    Harry i think its time that you have a party at your house and invite all of us for a weeks stay (on your dime of course), and we will have these man-haters begging for a man by the end of the week! P.s dont invite raw, we will all go to jail with him!
  14. aspenleaf

    aspenleaf New Member

    They are being rude. (over9five - I do support them being gay but not them being rude to this guy) Do you paint? You might want to take up painting on your front lawn and be very bold. Make sure that when you create your picture paint flies all over the yard and "accidently" hits the trucks. You might want to use mud instead of paint so they don't sue you. Also check your laws; in my city you can't park within 5 feet of any driveway. I once got a parking ticket for parking in front of my house; I was 3 feet away from my own driveway.
  15. satellitedriver

    satellitedriver Moderator

    Everybody has given alot of legal/semi-legal ideas.
    Apparently, these neighbors of yours do not care what people think about their behavior.
    I think it is legal to spray perfume. The brand I was thinking of is "ode de PePe la pue"
    (Skunk Oil).
    It comes in small vials. A few drops at the base of their windshield at the intake vents will give a lasting refreshing scent to the interior.
    OK, now everyone is thinking I am a mean, vindictive person.
    You are correct, but I never throw the first punch.
    If I truly was mean and vindictive, I would buy glass etching gel (availlable at local hobby shops) and write something creative on the windshield.
    Or, just go old school. Knife the sidewalls of three tires. It has more impact when they see the truck leaning on one front tire.
    While your at it, shave down a potato to fit the exhaust pipe. Poke it in with a broom stick as far as you can. When they start the truck, Can you say, KABOOM.
    I hope your neighbors will listen to reason, if not, give them a reason to listen.
  16. Harry Manback

    Harry Manback Robot Extraordinaire

    Thanks for all the help everyone, some great ideas....:ninja: Unfortunately, no HOA, we live in a new development and that was one of the things that drew us here, besides the fact that I live 5 mins. from work. My parents have one (HOA) and they hate it, (their fault) they have a lil old lady that walks around the neighborhood every morning with a pen and pad wrting up rule breakers. She was probably a hall monitor in her younger years.

    For now, I'm parking there and if they beat me to it, I'll park in front of em then block em in with my wife's car. Then they'll have two choices, knock on my door or drive through my yard. (then, it will be war) Anyone know where I can find some professional grade caltrops or spike strips?:sneaky2:
  17. toonertoo

    toonertoo Most Awesome Dog Staff Member

    Number one: Put on a hood, do it from road side, and take the long way home.
    2. Brake fluid is excellent paint remover, and can easily be sprayed, when someone is walking their dog, past the big manly trucks.
    3. Go to a hunters supply and buy urine. I dont remember what kind but a few times a year a poor driver in my old center would get buckets/gallons of some kind of urine and it would stink so bad we would all get a headache on the belt.
    4. Mow with your exhaust to the road, throw some rocks in the path, Oh darn I hit your truck? Well park it in your own freaking driveway. Thats how we can prevent the next accident. Dont forget to lower the deck to dirt height.
    5. Put on a charity moto cross event and make sure the turn throws crap all over the trucks.
    Ive had very bad neighbors and how I stopped them I wouldnt dare post but I will say they do not drive by my house any longer. Mainly because they know the sheriff will not show up for Oh say 3 hrs....
    They made my life a living he**, and every night it got worse. Finally between a surveilance camera, and some possibly illegal antics, it stopped, but it isnt worth putting your life in jeopardy, and be an idiot like them, and get charged with something, although in my case it worked, I would never do it again, unless pushed. :w00t:
  18. moreluck

    moreluck golden ticket member

    Some of the 'fixes' are funny, but I would worry about escalation. There are some nuts out in the world, you know.....(not you Harry, them maybe)
  19. satellitedriver

    satellitedriver Moderator

    I am glad to hear it is not just me who has some tricks up their sleeve.
    I forgot about the brake fluid. When mixed with white paint and dripped on the vehicle, it looks like birdstuff. People tend not to park where bird do their stuff.
    Everything I am posting is for humor. Do not try this at home.
    It is fun though, thinking about the good old days.
    To answer your question Harry.
  20. Penguin

    Penguin New Member

    Buy some male cats and teach them to spray on trucks to mark their territory... :lol: