Should a tip be based on the waitperson's sexual orientation or lifestyle?

[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

Gay ex-marine waitress stiffed on tip by family offended by ‘lifestyle’ - NY Daily News


The writing on the receipt, which may be hard to read, says "I'm sorry but I cannot tip because I do not agree with your lifestyle and how you live your life."

The waitress, who's name is Dayna, knew there may be an issue when she introduced herself to the patrons, who she said expected that her/his name would be Dan. The diners never said a word throughout their meal and, when they were given their bill, the mother took that opportunity to express her feelings. Coward.

To answer my question----no, the tip should not be based on the waitperson's sexual orientation or lifestyle. If this makes you uncomfortable, you should simply ask for a different server or, better yet, order take-out and stay home. You don't let someone bust their ass knowing full well you have no intention of tipping them for their efforts.

 

[serenity now]

What would you give as a reason when you asked for a different server?

 

[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

What would you give as a reason when you asked for a different server?

"Nothing personal but I do not feel comfortable having you as our server."

 

[bbsam]

Look. I hate to break it to folks, but if you eat out, you are probably being served in one way or another by someone in the LGBT community. They may be the server, the host/hostess, the dishwasher or the busboy. Should any of them have what is known to be a substantial portion of their pay cut because you don't"agree with their lifestyle"? What about the hospital that employs a lesbian doctor or a transgender nurse? Should their compensation be based on your condemnation of their lifestyle? Of course not. We are paying for a.service, not for the right pass judgment on others.



Tangentially, I'm not sure the tip system should be employed at all.

 

[oldngray]

Tips should be for the quality of service, not to be considered as a part of the normal wages. Tips should be optional so if you have poor service leave less, or more for better service. I could care less about the sexual orientation but if the waiter/waitress is making it an issue because of their behavior, then I would have a problem with it. Ideally you should not even know personal details about the waiter/waitress since its irrelevant to them doing their job.

 

[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

Tangentially, I'm not sure the tip system should be employed at all.

You don't think a waitstaff not relying on tips to supplement their wages would be less motivated to do more than the minimum?

Neither of my kids worked as waiters/waitresses. My daughter is like me (speaks her mind) and would not have been a good waitress. My son is like his mother and would have made a killing on tips had he been a waiter. He has told me how some of his friends who worked as waiters/waitresses or bar servers would easily make $100-200 per night just on tips.

I have no problem with the tip being added to the bill for a party of 8 or more.

 

[bbsam]

I don't mind tips as tips. I do have a problem with the setup where restaurants pay far less than minimum wage and depend on tips to cover the deficiency. Tips should be above and beyond the floor, not a ladder to get to the floor.

All that being said, I always tips exceedingly well. I worked in food service and thoroughly enjoyed it and all the people I worked with. It wasn't an easy job.

 

[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

If my daughter had to rely on tips to eat she would go hungry. She is the type where if the customer complained that there was fly in their soup she would reach in, pull the fly out and say "no more fly".

I do agree that restaurants should be forced to pay at least minimum wage and that any tips be a bonus. I wonder how many diners actually know that restaurants are allowed to pay less than minimum wage and that waitstaff rely on tips to make up the difference.

 

[bbsam]

I always thought that was common knowledge but that could be because I worked in the industry.

 

[bbsam]

I do think I like your daughter's spirit though. Not unlike alot of what is expressed in every restaurant kitchen I've been in. Just have to have a filter when you hit the floor.

 

[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

I do think I like your daughter's spirit though. Not unlike alot of what is expressed in every restaurant kitchen I've been in. Just have to have a filter when you hit the floor.

That's the key.

 

[bbsam]

I'd still tip her for the fly removal even if for just the comedic flair.

 

[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

I'd still tip her for the fly removal even if for just the comedic flair.

At which point she would put it in a doggie bag for you to take home.

 

[bbsam]

Your son-in-law is a lucky man who needs to learn to sleep with one eye open. Maybe both eyes.

 

[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

It's funny because he was kind of a mama's boy when they first met.

 

[upschuck]

You don't think a waitstaff not relying on tips to supplement their wages would be less motivated to do more than the minimum?

Neither of my kids worked as waiters/waitresses. My daughter is like me (speaks her mind) and would not have been a good waitress. My son is like his mother and would have made a killing on tips had he been a waiter. He has told me how some of his friends who worked as waiters/waitresses or bar servers would easily make $100-200 per night just on tips.

I have no problem with the tip being added to the bill for a party of 8 or more.

I tip well, so they get less if they add tip automatically to the bill.

 

[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

I tip well, so they get less if they add tip automatically to the bill.

I'm not sure but I think you add to the automatic gratuity.

 

[moreluck]

I tip 20% no matter what ......having seen you for one time, how the hell do I know what your lifestyle is? Just bring the food in a timely manner and be polite.

 

[bleedinbrown58]

"Nothing personal but I do not feel comfortable having you as our server."

Hypothetically, if you had an issue with say, Hispanic people. Would you say that phrase to Juan, your server? Why would having a gay server make someone uncomfortable? It's not contagious. Everyone needs to make a living.

 

[bleedinbrown58]

And I despise the term "lifestyle". One can choose to live a modest or extravagant "lifestyle". No one chooses to be gay! Or straight, for that matter....any more than an African-American person chooses the color of their skin.. It is what it is, but no one will convince me that it's as simple as a choice.