MrFedEx
Engorged Member
Here are just a few. Feel free to add-in your own.
1. Work As Directed--Borrowed from our friends at UPS.Even if your manager wants you to do something incredibly stupid (inevitable), just do it. When it explodes, it will be all over them, not you.
2. Don't Use Security or Other Exception Codes To Make Service--People mis-use codes all the time, often at the direction of management. Take the late instead, plus if you mis-use it, and they check, you will be fired or disciplined and your manager will lie and walk away to lie another day.
3. Scan the Package In Front of the Customer-- Hitting the consignee's parking lot at 1030 is not making service. Wait until you're inside the door and in front of the recipient. It's policy anyway.
4. No Short Cuts--If you save lots of time cutting through industrial park lots and back alleys, why bother? Stay on the streets, and wait-out the traffic. If you get in an accident cutting through lots, guess who will be blamed?
5. Be Helpless--Whenever there is a problem, send Dispatch a message, call the station, or call your manager. Remember, you're both stupid and worthless, so act like it. Independent couriers who can make good decisions are critical to the success of the operation...don't be one of them. When management span of control increases after the buyout, this will really bite them hard. Remember, send lots of messages because you are "clueless". If this is hard for you, pretend you're a manager. Let them make the decision. Remember, you are incapable of it. Again, when someone stomps on the flaming bag of dog sheet, you don't want it to be you.
6. Don't Help ANYONE-- On deliveries, on pickups, or even sharing information. The less they know and the less you do, the worse they will look and the poorer the operation will run. The multiplier effect will kill them, and as more and more people are willing to do less and less, it will really screw them up big-time.
7. Drop Your Special Skills-- DG, Genesis, International. Get-off of these assignments as soon as you can. Let management figure-out how to replace you.
8. Disappear on the PM-- As soon as you arrive, check-out and leave the building. Take your time getting-in, never use the time as "break", and don't take short cuts. If traffic sucks and you're late...too damn bad.
9. Dog-it On The AM Sort---Stop the belt frequently, miss packages intentionally so they go to the end of the belt, and leave the sort and go outside if there is a leaking package. Better yet, dial the Fire Department and let them know you have a HAZ spill. Let the fun begin.
10. Don't Share Information--If there's an accident or some other problem stuffing-up traffic, let management figure out how they're going to communicate the information. Not your problem.
11. "It's Unsafe"--If they ask you to do something you don't feel comfortable with, let them know it's a "safety issue". Liability for anything gets their attention really quick.
12. Never do indirects or reattempts unless absolutely required--If doing so causes you problems, communicate that fact in a message to your dispatcher. "Doing that will cause me to miss the plane or CTV", "I will not be able to get my break", etc. If you are overloaded on pickups or deliveries, do the same. Communicate the problem right away, and put the onus on them, not you, to solve it.
13. Never Be a Hero-- Cutting corners and bailing the same losers out every day will get you nothing but more of the same...guaranteed. So why even consider doing it?
14. Drive The Speed Limit and don't be stupid. Racing around like a NASCAR driver will get you nothing but tickets, an accident, or worse.
This company could care less about you. Repay the favor whenever possible.
1. Work As Directed--Borrowed from our friends at UPS.Even if your manager wants you to do something incredibly stupid (inevitable), just do it. When it explodes, it will be all over them, not you.
2. Don't Use Security or Other Exception Codes To Make Service--People mis-use codes all the time, often at the direction of management. Take the late instead, plus if you mis-use it, and they check, you will be fired or disciplined and your manager will lie and walk away to lie another day.
3. Scan the Package In Front of the Customer-- Hitting the consignee's parking lot at 1030 is not making service. Wait until you're inside the door and in front of the recipient. It's policy anyway.
4. No Short Cuts--If you save lots of time cutting through industrial park lots and back alleys, why bother? Stay on the streets, and wait-out the traffic. If you get in an accident cutting through lots, guess who will be blamed?
5. Be Helpless--Whenever there is a problem, send Dispatch a message, call the station, or call your manager. Remember, you're both stupid and worthless, so act like it. Independent couriers who can make good decisions are critical to the success of the operation...don't be one of them. When management span of control increases after the buyout, this will really bite them hard. Remember, send lots of messages because you are "clueless". If this is hard for you, pretend you're a manager. Let them make the decision. Remember, you are incapable of it. Again, when someone stomps on the flaming bag of dog sheet, you don't want it to be you.
6. Don't Help ANYONE-- On deliveries, on pickups, or even sharing information. The less they know and the less you do, the worse they will look and the poorer the operation will run. The multiplier effect will kill them, and as more and more people are willing to do less and less, it will really screw them up big-time.
7. Drop Your Special Skills-- DG, Genesis, International. Get-off of these assignments as soon as you can. Let management figure-out how to replace you.
8. Disappear on the PM-- As soon as you arrive, check-out and leave the building. Take your time getting-in, never use the time as "break", and don't take short cuts. If traffic sucks and you're late...too damn bad.
9. Dog-it On The AM Sort---Stop the belt frequently, miss packages intentionally so they go to the end of the belt, and leave the sort and go outside if there is a leaking package. Better yet, dial the Fire Department and let them know you have a HAZ spill. Let the fun begin.
10. Don't Share Information--If there's an accident or some other problem stuffing-up traffic, let management figure out how they're going to communicate the information. Not your problem.
11. "It's Unsafe"--If they ask you to do something you don't feel comfortable with, let them know it's a "safety issue". Liability for anything gets their attention really quick.
12. Never do indirects or reattempts unless absolutely required--If doing so causes you problems, communicate that fact in a message to your dispatcher. "Doing that will cause me to miss the plane or CTV", "I will not be able to get my break", etc. If you are overloaded on pickups or deliveries, do the same. Communicate the problem right away, and put the onus on them, not you, to solve it.
13. Never Be a Hero-- Cutting corners and bailing the same losers out every day will get you nothing but more of the same...guaranteed. So why even consider doing it?
14. Drive The Speed Limit and don't be stupid. Racing around like a NASCAR driver will get you nothing but tickets, an accident, or worse.
This company could care less about you. Repay the favor whenever possible.
