top 10 Chuck Norris facts:

Discussion in 'Lighten UPS' started by DS, Feb 19, 2011.

  1. DS

    DS Fenderbender

    Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
    Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
    Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
    If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
    Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
    When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
    Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
    They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take :censored2: from anybody.
    A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
  2. Nimnim

    Nimnim The Nim

    There was once a street named after Chuck Norris. It had to be changed though as no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
  3. bbsam

    bbsam Moderator Staff Member

    How does someone so accomplished end up selling the "Total Gym" alongside Wesley Snipes?
  4. UpstateNYUPSer

    UpstateNYUPSer Very proud grandfather.

    Hopefully he didn't ask Wesley to help him with his taxes.
  5. bbsam

    bbsam Moderator Staff Member

    I wouldn't worry for his personal safety if he did end up in a cell just down from Wesley.
  6. moreluck

    moreluck golden ticket member

    I put Chuck Norris right down there with Jean Claude & Steven favorites there!!
  7. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Would this be the same Chuck Norris that wants to secede from the US and is nuttier than a can of Planter's Peanuts? Why yes, I think it's the same guy.