UPS Pilots

Discussion in 'UPS Airline / Gateway' started by Sammie, Mar 14, 2007.

  1. Sammie

    Sammie Well-Known Member

    UPSers, in case you need a laugh.....

    It takes a college degree to fly a plane,
    but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

    After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about any problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct these problems, document their repairs on the form, and the pilots review the gripe sheets before their next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

    By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit
    S: Something tightened in cockpit

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what friction locks are for.

    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    And the best one ..................

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget.

  2. wily_old_vet

    wily_old_vet New Member

  3. over9five

    over9five Moderator Staff Member

    Those were great!
  4. pkgdriver

    pkgdriver Member

    Ha good stuff


    By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

    Me thinks that is incorrect.
  5. over9five

    over9five Moderator Staff Member

    I think it is correct.

    In fact, I think they raised our insurance rates simply because we are overdue for an accident.

    Its sucks when they raise your rates because you are too good.