lawnphysics
UPS DRONE
What a PEAK SEASONAL DIAD thinks, 20 Days to Christmas.
I am a seasonal helper. I come back every year for PEAK. I have actually done a few of these, but most of them are stories I have heard over the years from you veteran guys. Hope you all enjoy these. The first one is a bit long.
1. I was given to a peak hire driver helper today. In the last hour I have been dropped seven times, shoved in a pocket where I can't see the light of day, touched and violated in ways I never thought or should even be possible, poked, prodded, and tested like a California Lab Rat. I have been passed back and forth so much My processor is in shambles. I had a mental breakdown. I am currently rebooting, I may cycle a few times over the next few hours. My plan is to chill back here with Dolly Llama for the rest of the day. The driver is ticked but my twin can finish the day. Twin will thank me, there is no way the Driver will give him to the Peak hire after what I pulled. That's what they get for making me a backup anyway. I am better than that other DIAD! I will reboot after that peak hire leaves. That will teach them to pass me around like a cheap whore. My Plan for tomorrow. Repeat. As a side note us DIADS are known to cause cancer in CALIFORNIA Lab Rats. Wait that may be my laser.
Sincerely your friendly PEAK DIAD.
2. The supervisors sent a message through me to the Driver. That was stupid. I am a PEAK board don't they realize the helper is just going to give me to the driver. Now he has to read the message twice. What do they think I am a fancy cell phone?
3. When I am being used by a new Peak Hire DIAD really stands for "Do It Again Dummy."
4. The Peak Hire is trying to get me to scan the wrong bar code again. He still hasn't figured out after seven tries that it is the wrong one. I have already told him each time to beep off. Idiot.
6. The Peak tried to do a pickup on me today. I told him to P-Up Off in not so many beeps.
7. Me and the truck are both beeping. It's a contest, or at least I think the Peak thinks it's a contest. I'm winning, which is rare. The truck is ticked.
8. I am like a feline. I'm really easy to get along with and purr like a kitten till you press my buttons. That Peak guy will never learn.
9. I have no idea why I even left home today. I thought I was going to get to do some real DIAD work. Peaks managed to get two stops in me. At the rate he is moving I feel like I will Dead In Another Day. DIAD.
10. Wonderful, being a peak DIAD sucks. I have been put in reverse more today than the dam truck.
11. I have been sitting in this Drs Office now for over an hour. Where the hayell is my ride. This is the time that DIAD stands for Do It Again Doctor. They will be back.
12. UPS is all about safety, but us Peak DIADs get the short end of that stick, we never go to safety meetings. We have more Injuries than any other member of the UPS community so we formed a union, we just went on reboot.
13. Hey Peak I have a laser. No it's not your flashlight. I have an app for that.
14. Peak and me are delivering his first signature required residential today. He didn't scan the package at the truck. His loss. I planned this one a few stops back. The driveway is up hill both ways and there is two feet of snow on the ground. Ask DIAD One about that, true story hear him tell it. He just scanned the package...now he has to walk back three times! Payback! I got one more Trick up my sleeve in three more stops. The next one is going to say adult signature required. I called ahead. Their middle schooler is coming to the door.
15. It's been raining all day. I'm soaked, cold, and so worn out my keyboard has faded. They put those cheap a$s boxes in plastic bags. I cost $10,000s of dollars to develop and I just got dropped in a dam mud puddle. I drowned. Dead In A Drowning. DIAD
16. I was picked up this morning to show all the peak hires at the orientation meeting what a DIAD is used for. They passed me around and told everyone to get a good feel for me. They started to "push" me around like the town bicycle. In an instant my life flashed before my eyes. All I saw was Dummy's In All Directions. DIAD.
17. This Peak thinks he has me figured out. I threw him and the seasoned veteran through a reboot loop.
18. I am a DIAD I look so complicated PEAKS think I should come with a users manual the size of a phone book. My mother and grandmother was the size of a phone book. Ask the guy getting ready to retire next month.
19. Driver: Pickup! Peak: Which door? Driver: DIAD!
20. I scan more barcodes an hour than a Walmart checkout isle. If only he would scan the right one. My laser is overheating and my battery is below 30% with one hour of use.
I am a seasonal helper. I come back every year for PEAK. I have actually done a few of these, but most of them are stories I have heard over the years from you veteran guys. Hope you all enjoy these. The first one is a bit long.
1. I was given to a peak hire driver helper today. In the last hour I have been dropped seven times, shoved in a pocket where I can't see the light of day, touched and violated in ways I never thought or should even be possible, poked, prodded, and tested like a California Lab Rat. I have been passed back and forth so much My processor is in shambles. I had a mental breakdown. I am currently rebooting, I may cycle a few times over the next few hours. My plan is to chill back here with Dolly Llama for the rest of the day. The driver is ticked but my twin can finish the day. Twin will thank me, there is no way the Driver will give him to the Peak hire after what I pulled. That's what they get for making me a backup anyway. I am better than that other DIAD! I will reboot after that peak hire leaves. That will teach them to pass me around like a cheap whore. My Plan for tomorrow. Repeat. As a side note us DIADS are known to cause cancer in CALIFORNIA Lab Rats. Wait that may be my laser.
Sincerely your friendly PEAK DIAD.
2. The supervisors sent a message through me to the Driver. That was stupid. I am a PEAK board don't they realize the helper is just going to give me to the driver. Now he has to read the message twice. What do they think I am a fancy cell phone?
3. When I am being used by a new Peak Hire DIAD really stands for "Do It Again Dummy."
4. The Peak Hire is trying to get me to scan the wrong bar code again. He still hasn't figured out after seven tries that it is the wrong one. I have already told him each time to beep off. Idiot.
6. The Peak tried to do a pickup on me today. I told him to P-Up Off in not so many beeps.
7. Me and the truck are both beeping. It's a contest, or at least I think the Peak thinks it's a contest. I'm winning, which is rare. The truck is ticked.
8. I am like a feline. I'm really easy to get along with and purr like a kitten till you press my buttons. That Peak guy will never learn.
9. I have no idea why I even left home today. I thought I was going to get to do some real DIAD work. Peaks managed to get two stops in me. At the rate he is moving I feel like I will Dead In Another Day. DIAD.
10. Wonderful, being a peak DIAD sucks. I have been put in reverse more today than the dam truck.
11. I have been sitting in this Drs Office now for over an hour. Where the hayell is my ride. This is the time that DIAD stands for Do It Again Doctor. They will be back.
12. UPS is all about safety, but us Peak DIADs get the short end of that stick, we never go to safety meetings. We have more Injuries than any other member of the UPS community so we formed a union, we just went on reboot.
13. Hey Peak I have a laser. No it's not your flashlight. I have an app for that.
14. Peak and me are delivering his first signature required residential today. He didn't scan the package at the truck. His loss. I planned this one a few stops back. The driveway is up hill both ways and there is two feet of snow on the ground. Ask DIAD One about that, true story hear him tell it. He just scanned the package...now he has to walk back three times! Payback! I got one more Trick up my sleeve in three more stops. The next one is going to say adult signature required. I called ahead. Their middle schooler is coming to the door.
15. It's been raining all day. I'm soaked, cold, and so worn out my keyboard has faded. They put those cheap a$s boxes in plastic bags. I cost $10,000s of dollars to develop and I just got dropped in a dam mud puddle. I drowned. Dead In A Drowning. DIAD
16. I was picked up this morning to show all the peak hires at the orientation meeting what a DIAD is used for. They passed me around and told everyone to get a good feel for me. They started to "push" me around like the town bicycle. In an instant my life flashed before my eyes. All I saw was Dummy's In All Directions. DIAD.
17. This Peak thinks he has me figured out. I threw him and the seasoned veteran through a reboot loop.
18. I am a DIAD I look so complicated PEAKS think I should come with a users manual the size of a phone book. My mother and grandmother was the size of a phone book. Ask the guy getting ready to retire next month.
19. Driver: Pickup! Peak: Which door? Driver: DIAD!
20. I scan more barcodes an hour than a Walmart checkout isle. If only he would scan the right one. My laser is overheating and my battery is below 30% with one hour of use.
