Where do the numbers to and is it purple monkey dishwasher?

Discussion in 'UPS Discussions' started by Mike23, Sep 26, 2009.

  1. Mike23

    Mike23 Guest

    So what happens to the numbers? Where do they come from? Where do they go? Who looks at them? How messed up do they get when they reach the top? Do the people that get the numbers actually KNOW what they're for? Do the people at the top really care or just pick out a few random numbers and go, 'here, discipline these people, ignore the rest'? Do the numbers people really exist or are they like the bogeyman and a figment of our imaginations and it's actually just random numbers spewed out of a central computer that the inventor died years ago and nobody knows how to update the software?
  2. jds4lunch

    jds4lunch What the hell is YOUPS??

    The only numbers that matter to me when I look at the daily reports is the number of hours I got paid for. The rest of it isn't worth the paper its printed on as far as I'm concerned.
  3. helenofcalifornia

    helenofcalifornia Well-Known Member

    The numbers always are subject to change. The maximum/minimum stop counts are the ones that are the most fluid in our center. One day the min. is 130, the next day 152. Gotta be light on your feet around here, nothing stays the same. The people that hold on to the past standards are the ones that are the most unhappy. Just do what they ask you in whatever time you safely can. So what if you are an hour or two or three over, you do what they ask. Your time will vary too. Light on your feet, UPS!
  4. jimstud

    jimstud Banned

    the numbers don't mean crap as long as you follow their methods and work to the best of your ability.
  5. hurricanegunner

    hurricanegunner UPSPoop

    Well, we do get a kick out of standing around the daily report chuckling at yesterday's numbers.
    It's always good to start the day with a smile.:happy-very:
  6. soberups

    soberups Pees in the brown Koolaid

    The process is complicated, but basically speaking it starts with a room full of monkeys that each have 6 dice.

    It also factors in the phase of the moon, the relative humidity, and the boiling point of pure nitrogen on Tuedays in Enid, Oklahoma.

    Some IE guy then takes these figures and combines them in an algorythm with the total weight of his own belly-button lint and divides the result by his wifes bra size.

    There are more calculations, but they are top secret and if I told you I would then have to kill you.
  7. tourists24

    tourists24 Well-Known Member

    and of course no one has answered the question on what type of person the numbers actually come from.... Is this based on a 5'11 male who weighs 180 lbs and is 28 years old? Does this mean that someone 5'0 tall gets extra time on their route allowance? And that someone 6'4 whose stride is much longer gets less time?
  8. brownIEman

    brownIEman Well-Known Member

    The time allowances are not based on one type of person, they were developed through observations of thousands of different drivers of all stripes.

    However, I would keep ideas like this to myself where I you. You know full well if IE got ahold of this idea, there would indeed be a lower allowance given to the 6'4 dude, but some how the added time for the 4'0 driver would not be forth coming.
  9. tourists24

    tourists24 Well-Known Member

    So these numbers are just an average from all different kinds of people? How is this accurate? That is unless you fall just perfect into that average. Makes that 95% accuracy seem a little fishy
  10. Mike23

    Mike23 Guest

    I say next contract we strike until we get clarification on the numbers ;) ... oh, wait, never mind because we'd never work again then!
  11. bigbrownhen

    bigbrownhen New Member

    Oh that was too funny Sober, thanks for the giggle. :happy-very:
  12. Monkey Butt

    Monkey Butt Dark Prince of Double Standards Staff Member

    Close but we did studies that indicated that the inseam length is a better measure. That is why you are measured for inseam length even though all you may order is shorts.
  13. wornoutupser

    wornoutupser Well-Known Member

    Is that why the shorts got longer last spring?
  14. Monkey Butt

    Monkey Butt Dark Prince of Double Standards Staff Member

    Except for Big Babooba ...in his case it was to prevent indecent exposure.
  15. ol'browneye

    ol'browneye Active Member

    Why hasn't anyone asked the obvious question to the OP- "What in the world does the title of this thread mean?"
  16. Mike23

    Mike23 Guest

    I was drunk! I meant 'where do the numbers go and is it purple monkey dishwasher?' As in does the numbers go from 1 - 100 when they're whispered in someone else' ear...you know, like the game you played as a kid, 'telephone' where you make up a sentence and whisper it to someone else once and it works its way down the line but then it ends up completely FUBAR at the end?
    Lasted edited by : Sep 27, 2009
  17. Baba gounj

    Baba gounj pensioner

    the answer is 42.
  18. Monkey Butt

    Monkey Butt Dark Prince of Double Standards Staff Member

    Obvious answer (or the cat typed it).
  19. City Driver

    City Driver New Member

    the only numbers that matter to me are printed on my paycheck
  20. NHDRVR

    NHDRVR New Member

    Our theory is that there is a secret room that holds the "real" numbers. You know the ones...

    The actual true/real numbers of what a route is supposed to be.

    The damn room is hidden at Hogwarts. You grab a cart and run at belt 4 in our center. Aim for the corner and 'poof', you're there...