From The Chairman: TNT

Discussion in 'FedEx Discussions' started by MrFedEx, Apr 8, 2015.

  1. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Dear Team Members,

    As you know, the Express opco is absolutely,positively, unprofitable. The express market is as flat as the Earth, and we are ready to go under at any second.

    Therefore, I am spending 5 billion dollars that we don't have to acquire TNT, in addition to the hundreds of millions I'm spending to buy new jets that are too small to haul all the freight we don't have.

    In addition, I'm raising the pay and bonuses of all managers...again, money we don't have.

    That means that hourly employees will receive no pay increases for the next 10 years, or when I am declared a saint by the Pope, whichever
    occurs first.

    Our first priority is your future, and now that TNT is part of the Manson, err..Smith family, it's my duty to protect them from European union thugs, just like we protect you!

    Be assured that YOU are my first priority, after lawsuits, paying politicians, getting my weenis to work, buying the entire Congress, and purchasing Aruba as my personal fortress.

    God bless all of you, and Ted Cruz for President in 2016. Bravo Zulu, and now I must go take my Thorazine.
    Love,
    Fred
     
  2. Browndriver5

    Browndriver5 Active Member

    I'm all for Fed Ex going under, but I just don't see all these things you say happening...Fed Ex seems to be a very profitable company and dipping deep into UPS pockets. Please explain
     
  3. upschuck

    upschuck Avatar bet gone wrong

    Glad he has a plan.
     
  4. STFXG

    STFXG Well-Known Member

    Mr. Chairman,
    If express isn't profitable, and this was a cash deal, does that mean this purchase was made using Ground or other opco profits?
     
  5. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Probably Ground scam profits. This is being represented as an Express acquisition. Why was it monopolistic and anti-competition when it was UPS trying to buy?

    Now it's OK?
     
  6. NYCFXG

    NYCFXG Member

    Is this a serious question? UPS dwarfs fedex internationally.
     
  7. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    UPS has net income of $3B on revenues of $53B and FDX has net income of $2B on revenues of $42B. Not a huge difference...both immense organizations.
     
  8. NYCFXG

    NYCFXG Member

    Even after the purchase, Fedex will only be #3 internationally. Why would there be anti-trust issues if there are still 2 companies larger than the new Fedex/TNT combination? Whereas, if UPS (8th) and TNT (6th) were allowed to combine they would be #1.
     
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2015
  9. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    We can't really apply our US concepts of monopoly, anti-trust, and anti-competition to Europe because they don't do it "our" way. My point, which seems lost on everyone, is that UPS seems OK with FedEx getting TNT, which is odd. Why wouldn't they be fighting this?

    Again, FedEx isn't exactly small, and US law means nothing in Europe,
     
  10. Serf

    Serf Active Member

    Bravo Mr. Chairman,

    I was recently told by my District Manager that employees in our region can no longer go over 55 hours a week because it is "bad for our health and longevity." But because this women cares so much about my well being, she has reviewed her policy and decided to change it to 50 hours. So no employee is now allowed to go over 50 hours with out special management consent. She notified me of this after my SFA. I feel so thankful for her looking out for me.
     
  11. Slave101

    Slave101 Member

    Shaft her next April, we did it to our great mngmnt team because of that. It's pure BS
     
  12. Cactus

    Cactus Just telling it like it is

    She really cares about you, yeah right. Truth is she's feeling the heat about OT from the district because the district is feeling the heat from MT3.
     
  13. DontThrowPackages

    DontThrowPackages Well-Known Member

    Just make sure to read her words back to her during next years peak.
     
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  14. FedExRookie

    FedExRookie Member

    Are you guys so Anti-Fedex that you can't look at the numbers?

    The merger would have put UPS at almost 1/3 of the market share. This merger would put Fedex at just 1% over UPS's current market share.

    STFXG, I could be wrong on this part, but I don't think FedEx pulled the billions out of their reserves. They most likely issued debt to get the cash to make the offer on the shares.
     
  15. Goldilocks

    Goldilocks Well-Known Member

    Yea, a toaster oven for 30 years of devoted service, while Fred and Mt3, reap in riches in Aruba. Honestly, I hope they choke on a coconut. God Bless you Fred and Mathew Thornton The 3rd! Remember, you are NOT bigger than God and everything circles in life. You will get yours in the end and it will come from our higher power!!!!
     
  16. Goldilocks

    Goldilocks Well-Known Member

    I consider our leaders on the same level as AL Sharpton and Jesse Jackson! !!! SHAME ON YOU making promises you did NOT keep!!!!
     
  17. Serf

    Serf Active Member

    Yep, plus with the ridiculous amount of turnover, good luck with your mission lady. 4 couriers, and 2 managers last month...
     
  18. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    That doesn't sound right. Where did you get the 1% figure. It appears that FedEx is using the "poor me" strategy to say that they are an underdog and weak. Their profits say otherwise.
     
  19. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    This is actually the corporate line they were told to use, because I have heard the "bad for our health and longevity" line almost verbatim. It's funny that it's for "us" when they cut our hours.

    God, they care SO much.
     
  20. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    I would put Al and Jesse at a level above our leaders. Fred, Dave, and Matt should be categorized along with Reverend Creflo Dollar.