FedEx Understands, and Knows U

Discussion in 'FedEx Discussions' started by MrFedEx, Oct 5, 2013.

  1. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Dear Team Members,

    Bravo Zulu, and thanks for everything you do to make me one rich mother. Yep, it's me, soul Oreo brother MT3, to lay down a cool new program for all of you fine employees. I'm proud to announce the FUKU Program, where FedEx, Understands, and Knows U. So, FUKU to all of you dedicated and loyal FedEx employees.

    First, we Understand because we give you great benefits, like our high-quality and affordable health plans. When I see my doctor in Chi..err Memphis, it doesn't cost me a penny for preventive care. I especially like having colonoscopies...I get 3 or 4 a year just cause I find them soothing. We give them to you free of charge, every single day, whether you like it or not. We also understand we have you over a barrel, and I like to take full advantage of that whenever possible. So does Fred. See, we DO understand.

    Next, we Know that you're a bunch of lazy slackers who want to steal money from Fred by getting overpaid for what you do. Our goal is to pay everyone at Express $13.00 per hour, and the sooner we can eliminate all of the 40+ Legacy Couriers, the sooner we can attain that goal. More money for me, and less for you. Just the way I like it.

    U mean nothing to us. If you get hurt, get sick, or have an accident, it's all on U, not me. So, just to be clear, U don't matter..I do.

    Anyway, I've got dinner with the wife tonight in downtown Chi-tow,,,errr, Memphis. Uh, we're going to Mud Island tonight, yeah, that's right. I sure do love it here in Memphis. So, remember, FUKU, because we care.


    Matthew Thornton III, PhD, OB-GYN, FACS, Cunning Linguist, NUMBERONEMOFO, PS, abcdefg
  2. Cactus

    Cactus Just telling it like it is

    P.S. we need more productivity this month but if you have an accident doing so we'll see to it that you're one step closer out the door.
  3. Sniper

    Sniper Active Member

    Open your own business.

    It is what it is. No risk, no reward. I love my job most days.
  4. Goldilocks

    Goldilocks Well-Known Member

    You have no clue what you are talking about....Mr Fedex is a Senior Employee. Unless you are too, there is no need to even have a discussion with you....We had many perks thrown in our faces many years ago, and many promises. If it wasn't for us, you would not be employed with Express. WE made this company what it is today....
  5. STFXG

    STFXG Well-Known Member

    A craphole to work at that can't turn a profit?
  6. bbsam

    bbsam Moderator Staff Member

    A little self -important of you, no?
  7. Cactus

    Cactus Just telling it like it is

    Express is still making money, make no mistake. However you're too busy drinking the Kool-Aid to notice.

    Well it's the truth what Goldi said and apparently you think that FedEx was born when your drivers ditched the old RPS decals. Do your homework after you clean up the dog crap out there in the scoccer field.
  8. dezguy

    dezguy Well-Known Member

    This. I can't stand when the company says it isn't making money and when people actually believe it. If Express wasn't making money, none of us would have a job because Express wouldn't exist.
  9. NonyaBiznes

    NonyaBiznes Yanked Out My Purple-Blood I.V. In 2000!

    If YOUR BUSINESS is doing such a wonderful job, why is the Mrs. working harder than you?
  10. StuffItFred

    StuffItFred Member

    Yeah and why not sell some of those "fancy high value" weapons and let the lady who had bypass surgery go part time or retire? Not working "harder" than you.
  11. bbsam

    bbsam Moderator Staff Member

    No dogs allowed at the soccer field. And if you did your homework, you would see that the new buildings that Ground is putting up at a cost of $10 billion is self funded.
  12. Cactus

    Cactus Just telling it like it is


    MAKAVELI Well-Known Member

    Self funded out of the same pot. Doesn't really matter at this point. FedEx is making huge profits as a corporation not one opco. It's funny how a lot of contractors want to take credit for the profits but none of the blame for the exploitation that provides it.
  14. bbsam

    bbsam Moderator Staff Member

    Because the fact is that nobody is forced to work for me and (sadly perhaps) it's better than what is offered in many other places.
  15. Cactus

    Cactus Just telling it like it is

    Yeah you're a real "hands on" boss. All your help has to do is look for you over at the soccer field.
  16. bbsam

    bbsam Moderator Staff Member

    What the hell are you talking about? I'm a very "hands off" boss...sometimes too much so perhaps. I'm the kind of boss I would like to work for. People don't need me babysitting them.
  17. STFXG

    STFXG Well-Known Member

    What would bbsam need to be doing as a boss? Should he micromanage his drivers? Isn't that what you complain about? Wouldn't you prefer to come in to work, grab your stuff, jump in the truck and hit the road? Should he be calling them all day and asking how they are doing?
  18. Hands off boss, providing hands off benefits and hands off retirement.
  19. bbsam

    bbsam Moderator Staff Member

    Welcome to the 21st century.
  20. bbsam

    bbsam Moderator Staff Member

    I think some here will complain about anything.