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From The Chairman: Say The Right Thing (STRT)
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<blockquote data-quote="MrFedEx" data-source="post: 1215281" data-attributes="member: 12508"><p>Dear Team Members,</p><p></p><p>Bravo Zulu, and a special thanks for getting poorer so I can be richer. I am loving the rise in stock prices lately, and every penny I take from you goes straight into the profit till. When the stock hits $150 per share, I'll be so rich I won't know what to do with myself. BZ for me!!</p><p></p><p>But on a more serious note, I need you to start <strong>Saying The Right Thing (STRT). </strong>Please do not confuse this with <strong>doing</strong> the right thing, which we certainly cannot afford. Let me explain this, because I know you're all gullible and stupid. Please don't talk back or disagree, because you've proven me right on this for many years. Still union-free and raping you at-will.</p><p></p><p>The essence of STRT is to tell the customer what they want to hear, but without doing anything to assist them. One of the best examples was our former Expedite Program, where we would take all steps necessary to get the customer their package on-time, especially if we made a mistake. If little Tommy's cornea or kidney accidentally got put in an AMJ to LAX instead of PHX, one of our expedite couriers would retrieve the package, expedite it via a commercial airline, and another expedite courier would retrieve and deliver it in PHX where it belonged. Maybe Tommy had to wait in the OR for an extra 4 hours, but his operation would still happen. Well, that was cutting into my profits, so we ended the Expedite program to save money. Now, Tommy's new body part rots out in the warehouse while we <strong>STRT </strong>the customer.</p><p></p><p>When Tommy's doctors or frantic parents call the 1-800 GoFedex number in Mumbai or San Salvador, STRT goes into action. "Yes, Tommy's parent and doctors, FedEx will absolutely, positively do <strong>everything </strong>to get you your vital package". In other words, we say the right thing, but actually DO <strong>nothing</strong> at all. I could give a crap about Tommy and his transplant...expediting that package costs <strong>me </strong>money. Years ago, we would have followed through on the promise, but NOW, all we do is make the promise, and do NOTHING. No cost to me, and the customer believes we are frantically trying to get them their shipment. LOL!!</p><p></p><p>Remember the monitor-tossing courier? Ordinarily, we would have denied the customer's claim and said they "packaged the monitor incorrectly", thereby negating the claim and allowing us to keep all the shipping and declared value charges. But since this customer had it on tape, we had to STRT. At the time, MT3 was getting his daily hot-stone massage from Dano, but he jumped into action and performed some heroic STRT to "assure" our customers we cared about every single <strong>precious </strong>package. I could give a rat's ass about <strong>any </strong>package (except one of mine), and MT3 got a big fat double-bonus for pulling that gem out of his butt. STRT in action!!</p><p></p><p><strong>STRT works for every situation!!</strong> You simply tell the customer exactly what they want to hear, but don't follow through. Saying the right thing is free, but <strong>doing </strong>the right thing is very expensive. That was the old Federal Express, not FedEx. We aren't in the business to provide a service to our customers, we are here to make a profit, and that's all that matters. See?</p><p></p><p>If you're going to have a DEX 01 on a stop and the customer calls the Call Center, here's the Action Plan:</p><p></p><p>1. Process the customer complaint/request through one of our offshore Call Centers. If that alone doesn't cause the customer to shoot or hang themselves, the "problem" will be handed-off to either a CSA or Dispatcher. Using STRT, that employee then promises that the package will most certainly "be delivered within the hour", when no attempt will be made until at least the next day. See? The customer <strong>thinks </strong>we care, when we could really care less!! Net cost to me? Zero. </p><p></p><p>2. If the customer calls back later, repeat Step 1. </p><p></p><p>3. If they call back again, or try to access a supervisor or The Executive Desk, just hang-up!</p><p></p><p>4. As an alternative to #3, transfer the customer back to the offshore Call Center.</p><p></p><p>You see, STRT works because FedEx still (amazingly) has a reputation of being a company that cares about customer service. I purposely went overboard during the early years of the company to build this stellar reputation so I could use it later for purposes like STRT. We don't give a <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/group1/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="Censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> about employees OR customers, but they don't know that. This is why I lug those damned smelly pandas and seals all over the freaking world...so they think we DO care. Same with that ORBIS deal. We give them a crapped-out DC10 that was going to the boneyard in Arizona, and then reap all of the positive publicity. See, we Said the Right Thing...and it worked.</p><p></p><p>It's just like all the horseshat we fill you with...PSP, "affordable quality benefits", and all of the rest of the lies we tell you every single day. We do STRT on you...and you don't even realize it!! If you get hurt or have an accident, we are going to "care" you out the door as quickly as possible, while simultaneously Saying The Right Thing(s), that will keep us out of court and in the black. God, you really <em>are <u>effing </u></em>dumb, aren't you? More money for me, more money for me!!</p><p></p><p>You're all stupid, and I hate every single one of you money-stealing bastards. You are lucky to have a job and to have me even speak with you. I only care about the folks who keep me in the green...my political allies. Eff you all.</p><p></p><p>Sincerely,</p><p></p><p>Frederick "Winning!!" Smith</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MrFedEx, post: 1215281, member: 12508"] Dear Team Members, Bravo Zulu, and a special thanks for getting poorer so I can be richer. I am loving the rise in stock prices lately, and every penny I take from you goes straight into the profit till. When the stock hits $150 per share, I'll be so rich I won't know what to do with myself. BZ for me!! But on a more serious note, I need you to start [B]Saying The Right Thing (STRT). [/B]Please do not confuse this with [B]doing[/B] the right thing, which we certainly cannot afford. Let me explain this, because I know you're all gullible and stupid. Please don't talk back or disagree, because you've proven me right on this for many years. Still union-free and raping you at-will. The essence of STRT is to tell the customer what they want to hear, but without doing anything to assist them. One of the best examples was our former Expedite Program, where we would take all steps necessary to get the customer their package on-time, especially if we made a mistake. If little Tommy's cornea or kidney accidentally got put in an AMJ to LAX instead of PHX, one of our expedite couriers would retrieve the package, expedite it via a commercial airline, and another expedite courier would retrieve and deliver it in PHX where it belonged. Maybe Tommy had to wait in the OR for an extra 4 hours, but his operation would still happen. Well, that was cutting into my profits, so we ended the Expedite program to save money. Now, Tommy's new body part rots out in the warehouse while we [B]STRT [/B]the customer. When Tommy's doctors or frantic parents call the 1-800 GoFedex number in Mumbai or San Salvador, STRT goes into action. "Yes, Tommy's parent and doctors, FedEx will absolutely, positively do [B]everything [/B]to get you your vital package". In other words, we say the right thing, but actually DO [B]nothing[/B] at all. I could give a crap about Tommy and his transplant...expediting that package costs [B]me [/B]money. Years ago, we would have followed through on the promise, but NOW, all we do is make the promise, and do NOTHING. No cost to me, and the customer believes we are frantically trying to get them their shipment. LOL!! Remember the monitor-tossing courier? Ordinarily, we would have denied the customer's claim and said they "packaged the monitor incorrectly", thereby negating the claim and allowing us to keep all the shipping and declared value charges. But since this customer had it on tape, we had to STRT. At the time, MT3 was getting his daily hot-stone massage from Dano, but he jumped into action and performed some heroic STRT to "assure" our customers we cared about every single [B]precious [/B]package. I could give a rat's ass about [B]any [/B]package (except one of mine), and MT3 got a big fat double-bonus for pulling that gem out of his butt. STRT in action!! [B]STRT works for every situation!![/B] You simply tell the customer exactly what they want to hear, but don't follow through. Saying the right thing is free, but [B]doing [/B]the right thing is very expensive. That was the old Federal Express, not FedEx. We aren't in the business to provide a service to our customers, we are here to make a profit, and that's all that matters. See? If you're going to have a DEX 01 on a stop and the customer calls the Call Center, here's the Action Plan: 1. Process the customer complaint/request through one of our offshore Call Centers. If that alone doesn't cause the customer to shoot or hang themselves, the "problem" will be handed-off to either a CSA or Dispatcher. Using STRT, that employee then promises that the package will most certainly "be delivered within the hour", when no attempt will be made until at least the next day. See? The customer [B]thinks [/B]we care, when we could really care less!! Net cost to me? Zero. 2. If the customer calls back later, repeat Step 1. 3. If they call back again, or try to access a supervisor or The Executive Desk, just hang-up! 4. As an alternative to #3, transfer the customer back to the offshore Call Center. You see, STRT works because FedEx still (amazingly) has a reputation of being a company that cares about customer service. I purposely went overboard during the early years of the company to build this stellar reputation so I could use it later for purposes like STRT. We don't give a :censored: about employees OR customers, but they don't know that. This is why I lug those damned smelly pandas and seals all over the freaking world...so they think we DO care. Same with that ORBIS deal. We give them a crapped-out DC10 that was going to the boneyard in Arizona, and then reap all of the positive publicity. See, we Said the Right Thing...and it worked. It's just like all the horseshat we fill you with...PSP, "affordable quality benefits", and all of the rest of the lies we tell you every single day. We do STRT on you...and you don't even realize it!! If you get hurt or have an accident, we are going to "care" you out the door as quickly as possible, while simultaneously Saying The Right Thing(s), that will keep us out of court and in the black. God, you really [I]are [U]effing [/U][/I]dumb, aren't you? More money for me, more money for me!! You're all stupid, and I hate every single one of you money-stealing bastards. You are lucky to have a job and to have me even speak with you. I only care about the folks who keep me in the green...my political allies. Eff you all. Sincerely, Frederick "Winning!!" Smith [/QUOTE]
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