News Headlines from the Year 2029


Well-Known Member
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia,formerly California , as white minorities are still lobby to have English recognized as its third language.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Texas executes last remaining citizen.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Scientists discover woman without breast implants in L.A.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

The United States makes the worlds smallest Drill Bit....Then sent it to Japan where they drilled a hole in it and sent it back.

Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

India loses jobs due to outsourcing to USA.


"Canada wins gold at the World Junior Hockey Championships for the 27th year in a row!"
The USA finally concedes in the 12 year war with Canada...quote "OK, OK, they can have the arctic oil if they want it that bad" just keep them indians off me.(President Julian Bush)Alabama becomes Canadas 63rd province.Disinigration rays are banned throughout the commonwealth.


What the hell is YOUPS??
Major League Baseball expands to 568 teams, welcoming thier newest arrivals: the Singapore Comets, Madagascar Sea Turtles, and the Sierra Leone Spider Monkeys. This years winner of the World Series will recieve home field advantage in the Intergalactic Series against the champions from the Venus Athletic Government of Intergalaxy Nations Association. Last season the MLB refused to let its players participate in games against the teams from Venus due to alleged Steriod Trafficing and Distribution (STD). The commissioner of the MLB released the following statement:

"The health and well-being of our players is without question, job #1. Under no circumstances will MLB players allowed to play in these games while there are STD's in the VAGINA".


Staff member
"UPS folds after 122 years. Unable to compete with with low cost, Chinese made transporters, which can instantly beam your package anywhere in the world, UPS follows rivals Fedex and DHL into Chapter 11 status....."

clean hairy

Well-Known Member
The U.S. Government mandates no vehicle on the roads shall be larger in size than the old Geo Metro.
Funeral homes are baffled how to deliver the departed to the cemetery with almost half the casket sticking out the back of the vehicle!
College Basketball teams try to figure out how to get to out of town games!
Mrs Jones reports her Driverless car left her at the mall on Black Friday.
She could not find her car when she was done shopping.
Turns out, the car could not find a spot, gave up, and went back home!