Official FAQ/Guide to be a professional UPS Loader

Discussion in 'UPS Discussions' started by Asinine, Mar 9, 2011.

  1. Asinine

    Asinine New Member

    *****This will be an ongoing and updated daily FAQ and the everything you need to know guide on how to fully fufill your position as a current/future loader at the company we all know and love as the United Postal Service inc.

    : How do I go about applying for a position at this lovely company?

    A: Simple. There are a few ways of doing this. Your first option would be going directly to the site and finding a position open near you (which will always be an option considering the amount of high school drop outs who see how crappy the job is and never make it past orientation), or the an unemployment/temp agency which is the preferred choice with the fact being that almost 97% of current UPS employees as a whole make the up IQ of one college graduate.

    Q: I applied and have scheduled an interview! What now?!

    A: Congrats! Welcome to the point at which your life takes a drastic, crooked turn. At this point, you wait a minimum of 157 days, call back, wait another 65, e-mail them, and go in for a 2.5 minute duration "interview" which consist of a large woman telling you everything that sounds nice about the job and consist of nothing of an actual interview (you're surprised?) which only tells you the quality of workers MUST be amazing, because they don't just let anyone walk through that door! (They do).

    Q: Okay, I have the job, I have a few questions more!
    A: Ask away.

    Q: Is there a dress code for loading?!
    A: Do monkeys have dress codes? There's your answer.

    Q: What is this orientation deal about?
    A: Orientation is to UPS as penguins are to grasslands. :censored2: isn't useful. You go in to watch outdated 80s workout videos (will be covered later on) as UPS are incapable of keeping anything in working condition or up to date for that matter.

    Q: So these training videos, what gives?
    A: What gives? Absolutely none. The only benefit these videos will give you is a half hard on you'll probably get from watching one of the girls bending over and picking up a box. These videos are horsecrap, and does nothing for you on the actual job.

    Q: After watching these videos, it has reminded me time and time again about things such as my PPH, and trying to leave no spaces so I don't waste company money, should I be worried?
    A: Your PPH is all you should give any type of :censored2: about, ever. Nobody cares if you leave spaces between your boxes, even if they gap as huge as your ***. Throughout this guide you will learn that the number one rule at UPS is this: Don't care. The only ones who are suppose to are one of two. 1) Slaves who have already kiss assed their way to being a driver. 2) UPS corporates, but that is a given.

    Q: So you're telling me my own supervisor won't care about my quality of work? What?!
    A: That's right. Every supervisor is required to have no management experience what so ever throughout the whole time they hold the position, and to go out and get drunk with you and everyone you load with on the weekends, being as they are only a few years older than yourself. 20. The only thing that matters is your PPH (sort of) and other than that, you're golden.
    Lasted edited by : Mar 10, 2011
  2. DS

    DS Fenderbender

    Welcome to the bc asinine.Very nice first post albeit a tad graphic.
    What is your life agenda other than ups?