Puns intended

Discussion in 'Lighten UPS' started by Hoaxster, Sep 28, 2008.

  1. Monkey Butt

    Monkey Butt Dark Prince of Double Standards Staff Member

    1. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

    2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

    3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

    4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

    5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

    6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

    7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

    8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

    9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

    10. :censored2: has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

    11. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
    One hat said to the other, "You stay here, I'll go on a head."

    12. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "KEEP OFF THE GRASS."

    13. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

    14. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

    15. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

    16. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

    17. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now
    a seasoned veteran.

    18. A backward poet writes inverse.

    19. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

    20. When cannibals ate a missionary, They got a taste of religion.

    21. Don't join dangerous cults; Practice safe sects!

    OK...I know these are bad . It's a free country. You did not have to read them.

  2. hyena

    hyena Well-Known Member

    me and my wife laughed at them Hoaxster.
  3. hyena

    hyena Well-Known Member

    My wife came up with one "The burglar went to the beach to see if the coast was clear"
  4. oakcreekteamie

    oakcreekteamie New Member

    These made my day...i dont know if thats a good thing...oh well. Happy Friday!
  5. trplnkl

    trplnkl 555

    Hoax, that's the beeeeuuuuuteeefulll thang about puns, they are supposed to be bad. funny funny...
  6. texan

    texan Well-Known Member

    There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
  7. texan

    texan Well-Known Member

    To some - marriage is a word ... to others - a sentence.
  8. texan

    texan Well-Known Member

    When the cannibal showed up late to the luncheon, they gave him the cold shoulder.
  9. faded jeans

    faded jeans just a member

    Church secretary chased the pastor all through the church; finally caught him by the organ.
  10. ups1990

    ups1990 Well-Known Member

    #12 was my favorite.
  11. texan

    texan Well-Known Member

    [TABLE="class: pundisplay, width: 100%"]

    [TD]It's raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.[/TD]