The BBQ Squad

Discussion in 'FedEx Discussions' started by MrFedEx, Apr 18, 2014.

  1. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Dear Team Members,

    Bravo Zulu and Ground is Good!! I've been taking some time off since the operation at the Mayo Clinic on my hands. You see, I have a tiny little weenis, so the good doctors transplanted one of my fingers to you know where, so now I've at least got something down there holding me down! Well, one of the side effects was also a cure for my Happy Hands!! Praise Jesus, a twofer for your Uncle Mattie!

    You know, I've been hearing some troubling news about bad attitudes among some employees!! It's hard to believe that everyone isn't happy about industry-leading benefits, pay, and everything else we give you!! I look at what UPS gets, and what we give you, and it just makes me fill my pants with joy...because we are SO damn good to you!! And NO union dues!

    Anyway, to help everyone at FedEx be happy, I've invented the BBQ Squad. Whenever we get reports of bad attitudes, a specially-trained staff of managers climb aboard Happy Hands 1, loaded down with all the cheap meat, soda, and chips that my Golden Gulfstream can carry!!!Sometimes, if you're really lucky, I come too!! They're on-call 24/7/365 and ready to come to you!

    When they land, they head straight for your station and then get those new flat screens blasting with some of MT Hammer's Memphis funk and fun!! Golden parachute pants that match my jet, silver platform shoes with goldfish swimming inside the heels, and ME, ME, ME!! How could anyone be unhappy with that?

    You get one hotdog, one can of soda, and one bag of chips, and if you're lucky you might win the contest for a brand-new uniform shirt and a "FedEx Cares" stuffed panda!

    The BBQ Squad...coming at YOU!!

    Too Cool4U,

    MTHammer Matt
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2014
  2. thedownhillEXPRESS

    thedownhillEXPRESS Well-Known Member

    Ground has the "BBSAM squad" lol!!!
  3. Cactus

    Cactus Just telling it like it is

    Wow, I'd better crank my bad attitude up a notch 'cause I can almost taste one of those grilled soy burgers right now. Mmmm!
  4. Doc Sorting Dude

    Doc Sorting Dude Active Member

    In our station the "brand new shirt" comes from a pile where people were fired or let go for some reason. I saw one guy choose a shirt that had :censored2: where the stylus pen went. Manager probably had a bravo zulu bonus for putting off new uni's for this new crr.
  5. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    We have a huge stockpile. I wonder what a new hire thinks when they have to sort through a bunch of used uniform items?
  6. DontThrowPackages

    DontThrowPackages Well-Known Member

    Oh right. SFA time is here again. Donuts and BBQ will be back in fashion again. They might even spring for a food truck. The food budget seems to get larger this time of the year.:chef:
  7. White Line

    White Line Member

    Oh wow it sounds like you are going all out this year, hotdog, chips and a soda, so will this replace the brown bagged granola bar, apple and bottled water that we usually get for trucker appreciation week?
  8. prodriver

    prodriver Guest

    They are thinking I'm glad to be able to go ahead and get a few days in before my new uniforms come in, in this economy FedEx is still a good job.
  9. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    FedEx isn't a good job in any economy. Stop kidding yourself.
  10. prodriver

    prodriver Guest

    It still starts out better than a lot of jobs, some people are happy to have a job especially the people that still have pride and don't want to live off govt. That being said it's not the job it used to be and won't be again.
  11. DRAisawesome

    DRAisawesome Active Member

    They were handing out new stylus at my station. Senior was saying how cool they are. Do people really buy into this :censored2:?
  12. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Hey, a cool new stylus is much more valuable than a raise. What's wrong with you?
  13. Route 66

    Route 66 Bent Member

    Truck Driver Appreciation Week quietly disappeared from Express several years ago. Not that it was ever anything to get all excited about anyway, it's just that now they don't even pretend.....truth be told, I prefer it this way
  14. 59 Dano

    59 Dano Some of my best friends are black.

    It's good enough for you.
  15. CJinx

    CJinx Well-Known Member

    My station on the Ground side still does it. The station's safety committee is responsible for organizing it. We have at least one catered breakfast, one afternoon BBQ, and a few days of bagged lunches.
  16. Goldilocks

    Goldilocks Well-Known Member

    Oh joy joy joy , everything is so peachy
  17. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    No, it isn't. But since you're the best they've got, what does that say about how "good" they are? You're a very unskilled shill.
  18. 59 Dano

    59 Dano Some of my best friends are black.

    You say it's not good enough for you, yet here you are, not going anywhere despite having plenty of options.
  19. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    My age limits my options, especially in terms of getting new insurance coverage. That's why I advise younger employees to leave right now.
  20. DontThrowPackages

    DontThrowPackages Well-Known Member

    59dan will be happy to know, whenever I'm asked by some kid about getting on with the company, I set them straight. He can take the credit for, maybe, 5 future quits so far this year.....I hope he'll get credit for them at least.