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<blockquote data-quote="Sammie" data-source="post: 175095" data-attributes="member: 8657"><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">UPSers, in case you need a laugh.....</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">It takes a college degree to fly a plane, </span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black">but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.</span></span></span></span><span style="color: black"></span></p><p> <span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about any problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct these problems, document their repairs on the form, and the pilots review the gripe sheets before their next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.</span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.</span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. </span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.</span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">P: Something loose in cockpit</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">S: Something tightened in cockpit</span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">P: Dead bugs on windshield.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">S: Live bugs on back order.</span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.</span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. </span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">S: Evidence removed.</span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">P: DME volume unbelievably loud.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">S: DME volume set to more believable level.</span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">S: That's what friction locks are for. </span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.</span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">P: Suspected crack in windshield.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">S: Suspect you're right. </span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">P: Number 3 engine missing.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.</span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">P: Aircraft handles funny.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious. </span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">P: Target radar hums.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.</span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">P: Mouse in cockpit.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">S: Cat installed.</span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">And the best one .................. </span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="color: black"></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: black">S: Took hammer away from midget.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/group1/w00t.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":w00t:" title="W00t :w00t:" data-shortname=":w00t:" /> </span></span></span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sammie, post: 175095, member: 8657"] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]UPSers, in case you need a laugh.....[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [COLOR=black] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]It takes a college degree to fly a plane, [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black]but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.[/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][COLOR=black] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about any problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct these problems, document their repairs on the form, and the pilots review the gripe sheets before their next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR] [COLOR=black] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]P: Something loose in cockpit[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]S: Something tightened in cockpit[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]P: Dead bugs on windshield.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]S: Live bugs on back order.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]S: Evidence removed.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]P: DME volume unbelievably loud.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]S: DME volume set to more believable level.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]S: That's what friction locks are for. [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]P: Suspected crack in windshield.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]S: Suspect you're right. [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]P: Number 3 engine missing.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]P: Aircraft handles funny.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious. [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]P: Target radar hums.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]P: Mouse in cockpit.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]S: Cat installed.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]And the best one .................. [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]S: Took hammer away from midget.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]:w00t: [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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