1BROWNWRENCH
Amatuer Malthusian
How many of you here have adopted children? Share a little.
Adoption
- Thread starter 1BROWNWRENCH
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1BROWNWRENCH
Amatuer Malthusian
Interesting. Do you remember how you felt when you fully understood your circumstances? Trying to get a handle on this subject before it gets to be a crisis.
moreluck
golden ticket member
Looking back....I would've appreciated knowing the truth before I was 12 !!
I know I had a good upbringing and I'm lucky that way.
One of the big downfalls is dealing with lack of family medical history. Dealing with cancer since '08, so much of what we need is family medical history of which I have no knowledge. Life's more of a crap shoot for the adopted.
1BROWNWRENCH
Amatuer Malthusian
My daughter knows now at 7 and has since about 5, but I wonder if she fully grips the magnitude of it. I worry in later years that she is going to break my heart by wanting to reject me imagining things would be better by seeking out her biological mother. I am confident I'm a pretty good father (which she would not have had at all), but you know how irrational adolescents can be.
moreluck
golden ticket member
My daughter knows now at 7 and has since about 5, but I wonder if she fully grips the magnitude of it. I worry in later years that she is going to break my heart by wanting to reject me imagining things would be better by seeking out her biological mother. I am confident I'm a pretty good father (which she would not have had at all), but you know how irrational adolescents can be.
I never felt the need to uncover things. I knew a sketchy version of my birth parents and never had any interest in having anything to do with them.
I looked at my adoptive parents as my only parents.....and that's all that mattered to me. Every kid is different and I'm sure you are doing a great job wih yours. Your time and love is all that's needed.
1BROWNWRENCH
Amatuer Malthusian
Thanks, that means a lot coming from you and that is comforting.We only just recently got some solid information about her biological father along with a picture. We took her home April 2007 and got legal custody in September. It was a happy day.
menotyou
bella amicizia
I hope an adopted child realizes how hard it is to give up something that you have carried inside of you and worried over, nurtured and protected. I would hope they see that they were put first, to the exclusion of the one giving them up. They meant so much to that person that they were given a better chance than they would have gotten where they were.
1BROWNWRENCH
Amatuer Malthusian
UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)
Well-Known Member
That being said, if the day should come that she does start asking about her birth parent(s) and wants to find out more about them, be supportive throughout the process, letting her know that you are there for her every step of the way without letting her know how much it is tearing you apart on the inside.
I think it is wonderful that you and your wife chose to make her part of your family.
I think it is wonderful that you and your wife chose to make her part of your family.
1BROWNWRENCH
Amatuer Malthusian
Her birth mother is about and does inquire from time to time about her, but we haven't felt comfortable with a meeting yet because she is a very emotional child as it is. We are waiting for her to mature a bit more in that area. Her biological father more than likely will never be found since you could say he has "citzenship issues".
How many do you have?
UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)
Well-Known Member
I have two children, both my own. Megan is 28 and David is 26.
1BROWNWRENCH
Amatuer Malthusian
I have 2 now. They are both mine, but only one is my biological offspring.
After 5 expensive and emotional years, my wife and I came to the conclusion that we could not have children on our own. We then turned to adoption. You would not believe what a PITA it is to adopt a healthy child in the US. This is why I believe that so many celebrities adopt from foreign countries. It is like making a purchase there and I don't think they would be able to make it through the hoops here.
Here is where I became convinced that God likes practical jokes. Guess what happens approximately 18 months later? Yup... Was especially exciting and distressing for my wife. We had only planned to have 1 because of our slightly advanced ages in the new parent arena.
Wish I get get all the money back from the fertility clinic
After 5 expensive and emotional years, my wife and I came to the conclusion that we could not have children on our own. We then turned to adoption. You would not believe what a PITA it is to adopt a healthy child in the US. This is why I believe that so many celebrities adopt from foreign countries. It is like making a purchase there and I don't think they would be able to make it through the hoops here.
Here is where I became convinced that God likes practical jokes. Guess what happens approximately 18 months later? Yup... Was especially exciting and distressing for my wife. We had only planned to have 1 because of our slightly advanced ages in the new parent arena.
Wish I get get all the money back from the fertility clinic
1BROWNWRENCH
Amatuer Malthusian
Its ok. I have to remind myself sometimes. This is the sort of thing you need to be vigilant on when you are an adoptive parent. You do NOT play favorites or make that sort of distinction to them.
I have known of my adoption since about age 5. Absolutely be supportive should your daughter wish to know of her biological parents, but don't push it. I can honestly say that the only times I have ever felt not 100% of my family has been when my mom would push me to look. It's also just about the only time I ever gave it much thought. I know who my mom and dad are. They happen to be my kids grandma and grandpa. I don't know why some people feel a longing to know. Maybe they didn't have the excellent, loving upbringing I did. Maybe they want to star in an after school special in their own minds. The drama bores me. Maybe I'm the odd one. But I know my brothers and sisters, remember the fights and the laughter, the funerals and the weddings, birthdays and Xmas. We have always been together, always been a family. I don't know what I would search for that I don't have. Closure? That occurred January 15th 1968 when the court finalized the proceedings.
I still have the bulletin from my baptism. It reads:
Not flesh of my flesh,
not bone of my bone,
but still very much my own.
I sincerely hope that you and all adoptive parents can fully feel the full power of that love as I have in my family. I do not doubt that you already do.
I still have the bulletin from my baptism. It reads:
Not flesh of my flesh,
not bone of my bone,
but still very much my own.
I sincerely hope that you and all adoptive parents can fully feel the full power of that love as I have in my family. I do not doubt that you already do.
Ms.PacMan
Well-Known Member
You sound like a great father. I was a daddy's girl!My daughter knows now at 7 and has since about 5, but I wonder if she fully grips the magnitude of it. I worry in later years that she is going to break my heart by wanting to reject me imagining things would be better by seeking out her biological mother. I am confident I'm a pretty good father (which she would not have had at all), but you know how irrational adolescents can be.
I was adopted at 11 days old. My parents signed up for a boy, lol - you know, that weird era of having the eldest be a son. Anyway, the adoption agency called my parents one morning and said they had a baby. It was not a boy, but a girl, and since they were next in line, they wanted to call. My mom hesitated and asked my dad. Hearing their hesitation, the social worker asked if they would like to come see the baby
. They went down to the agency (which was connected to the hospital). When they arrived the social worker gave the baby (me) to my mom and made some excuse about something had come up and would they feel comfortable looking after me and feeding me until she came back.
She returned in about 1/2 hour and took me back and thanked them. Wait, they said. They thought she said that the baby was their's if they wanted her. Oh, she says, do you want this baby? And that was how I was adopted.I always knew and always wondered about my biological parents. I'll tell you that story later. Lunch is over!
1BROWNWRENCH
Amatuer Malthusian
You sound like a great father. I was a daddy's girl!
I was adopted at 11 days old. My parents signed up for a boy, lol - you know, that weird era of having the eldest be a son. Anyway, the adoption agency called my parents one morning and said they had a baby. It was not a boy, but a girl, and since they were next in line, they wanted to call. My mom hesitated and asked my dad. Hearing their hesitation, the social worker asked if they would like to come see the baby
They went down to the agency (which was connected to the hospital). When they arrived the social worker gave the baby (me) to my mom and made some excuse about something had come up and would they feel comfortable looking after me and feeding me until she came back.
I always knew and always wondered about my biological parents. I'll tell you that story later. Lunch is over!
Daddy's Girl is what I'm shooting for. Getting that attachment early on is going to pay off when they start dating (If I LET them) at age 25. I want them to have some self esteem so they wont be bringing home some loser to meet. I hear a lot of "I can't!" and I try to stomp on that sort of talk.
Initially we were set on a boy, but then our book was mistakenly given to her birth mother an she immediately picked us out of all the others! We decided to go for it since we were getting impatient. We met up and the rest is history. She immediately came over to me and that really impressed her greatGrandmother ,who was taking care of her at the time. I suppose I was a novelty since I was the first and only man in her life up to that point.
Her mother didn't quite seem to have it all together upstairs, but she had sense enough to put her up for adoption while she still had control of who she went to. DSHS had gotten wind of the bad homelife (homeless) and were just a few steps behind. So, yes, I can say with confidence that her birth mother did genuinely love her enough to surrender her.
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1BROWNWRENCH
Amatuer Malthusian
PS Though I didn't wind up with a son like we set out for, we do have (or at least I) a son of sorts. He is 11 years old now. He is big, hairy, and kinda dimwitted. What he lacks in brainpower, he makes up for by almost literally loving me to death. The girls love him too. That's my boy!
1BROWNWRENCH
Amatuer Malthusian
Well put! Thankyou, sir!
