True Confessions

Discussion in 'FedEx Discussions' started by MrFedEx, Apr 24, 2016.

  1. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Hi, my name is ____59, and I'm a shill. It's hard to come out and say it, because I've been abusing shilldom for a long time and want to turn my life around. It all started when our VP of Personnel decided we needed someone to counteract all of the bad things being said about FedEx on the Internet and posted a position of Disinformation Manager. I was an Ops manager at a small station back then, and had a critical SFA. so things weren't looking good for me. But I did have an extensive history on social media and dating sites, where I would pretend to be all sorts of people just trying to get lucky. It's hard to be 47, weigh 300 pounds, and have comic books and Pokémon as your only interests in life. I drank a lot, but mostly spent time at KFC, where I'd sometimes eat a whole bucket of chicken at one sitting. My biggest obsession, however, was the TV series "Hawaii Five-0". Steve McGarrett, Chin Ho, and the whole team. AWESOME!! I have every episode memorized. "Wo Fat, 5 counts murder one!!" And, of course, "Book Em,___!"

    So, I applied for the job and GOT IT!! Wow, I was SO happy. Now I could sit on the computer all day long (and eat KFC), and surf for nasty comments about FedEx, which I could easily deflect through my superior educational background and communications skills. It isn't everyone that makes it through the Chickisaw Community College Drama program!! FedEx gave me a nice home computer set-up, and made me promise to stay away from the chubby chaser sites (I like my women BIG).

    After awhile though, I started to feel bad about always lying about FedEx. It really is a corrupt, sleazy organization that screws it's people blind, and I actually felt pangs of a conscience for the first time in my life. It's wrong to lie to people and tell them a company is honest, when it is the exact opposite.

    Once I started to see the light, my life started to change. That 420 pound girl I'd had my eye on at KFC loved chicken just as much as me...and comic books!. We spent many happy hours eating chicken wings and playing Pokémon (the game). It was AWESOME!!

    Finally, Shawanda convinced me that I should stop lying to people about FedEx and just be myself. So, here I am!!I'm reborn as an honest person!!

    I'm not really ___59. My name is Duane, I live in my Mom's basement, and Shawanda and I are very happy together. No more lies from me!! And I've stopped watching Hawaii Five-O 27 times per day. I'm there, baby.

    Love you all!
     
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2016
  2. Mr. 7

    Mr. 7 The monkey on the left.

    I don't know where you come up with the time for this. I thought you were working on your RE business more now that you're a PT RTD?
     
  3. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Sitting an open house today.
     
  4. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    $678,950. 2849 SF, 5 bedrooms, 2.5 baths. Interested?
     
  5. whenIgetthere

    whenIgetthere Well-Known Member

    Maybe after our next raise! ROFLMAO
     
  6. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Maybe the whole station can go in together and buy it. Amazing what homes go for now. My guess is that the new owner (multiple bids today) will be someone in the tech industry with a nice 6-figure income. $678,950 was the asking price, and since I knew there would be multiple bids there is an escalator clause. The winning offer will be around 710k.
     
  7. dezguy

    dezguy Well-Known Member

    :censored2:, that's a steal where I live...
     
  8. instiches

    instiches Member

    You are a sick individual
     
  9. dookie stain

    dookie stain Well-Known Member

    Yea seriously that'll get you a town house here
     
  10. bbsam

    bbsam Moderator Staff Member

    Don't you get about a 7% commission on that? Really, why are you still wasting time at X?
     
  11. UpstateNYUPSer

    UpstateNYUPSer Very proud grandfather.

    Commissions are generally 6% split between the listing and selling agents. The selling agent may then split his portion with his broker.
     
  12. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    In my area inventory is really low, so discounted commissions are pretty much the rule. This deal was 5%, and I'm the listing agent, not the buyer's agent, so we split it.
    I stay at Express (for bbsam) because real estate is dead in the winter and my wife's benefits are comparable to those at Express. As a broker (true independent contractor), I get zero benefits.
     
  13. whenIgetthere

    whenIgetthere Well-Known Member

    That will get a mansion here!
     
  14. 59 Dano

    59 Dano Well-Known Member

     
  15. 59 Dano

    59 Dano Well-Known Member

    I think the "Now I could sit on the computer all day long" line is pretty cute. Needless to say, I'm honored by his devotion to me. Seriously, he could have done something else, anything else, and he chose to devoted all those keystrokes to me. ME!!

    Now don't any of y'all get jealous. I'm always on his mind... always on his mind.
     
  16. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Not just you. Thunder too.
     
  17. SmithBarney

    SmithBarney Well-Known Member

    for 600k it better be over 6000 sq foot, and better have a few more than 2 Bedrooms..
    We just bid on a 7000sq foot 3story, 5BR (a few out buildings) sold for 265k glorious victorian.
     
  18. dookie stain

    dookie stain Well-Known Member

    I got transfer forms today...hopefully I can leave these million dollar homes and go to where making 34 an hour is actually a lot and not mediocre
     
  19. MrFedEx

    MrFedEx Engorged Member

    Left Coast prices always surprise people who live in the Mid-West, South, or Mid-South. It's worth it not to have to live somewhere like Memphis.
     
  20. Mr. 7

    Mr. 7 The monkey on the left.

    Just moved into a 1480 sq ft. 2 and 2 townhouse for 695.
    3 blocks from the beach.
    Thanks anyways.