Unmarried couples sharing expenses----on topic

Should unmarried couples have a written agreement in place when paying off student loan debt?


  • Total voters
    18

UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)

Well-Known Member
My son lives in Iowa and is currently in a long distance relationship with a woman who lives four houses away from my daughter and son in law in New York; in fact, she (my daughter) was the one who got them together. He has grown tired of living so far away and has been applying for jobs closer to home. Their plan is to live together and contribute to the household expenses, including the mortgage, based on their percentage of income (she makes more than he does), while each maintaining a separate checking account for their personal use.

I became concerned when he said that they plan on helping each other pay off their student loan debt. His is about $55K and from what he told me hers is much higher. He said that they will start tackling his and then focus on hers once his is paid off. When I suggested that they should consider drafting some sort of legal agreement in regard to this he scoffed at the idea, saying that their relationship was strong enough that it wouldn't be an issue.

My concern is the obvious-----suppose they pay off most if not all of his loans and for some reason unrelated to this the relationship ends----would it be fair to her to have invested all of this money in their future and have nothing to show for it? What if they decided to start with hers first-----would it be fair to him?

I sincerely hope that he takes my advice and sits down with her for a frank conversation on the topic. She is a college educated woman who works in HR at a large regional hospital in Albany (NY) and he has his MBA and works for an aerospace company so it's not as though the two of them are going in to this unaware of the possible consequences.

I just don't want to see either or both of them hurt, financially or otherwise, if this thing goes south.
 

bbsam

Moderator
Staff member
Say there is a legal document and the relationship doesn't work out. Is your son then on the hook to continue paying? Imagine your son explaining that to his next love interest.

They're adults. Let the success or failure take shape.
 

UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)

Well-Known Member
Say there is a legal document and the relationship doesn't work out. Is your son then on the hook to continue paying? Imagine your son explaining that to his next love interest.

They're adults. Let the success or failure take shape.

No—he would be on the hook for whatever she paid toward his loans.
 

Operational needs

Virescit Vulnere Virtus
The chief difference is that they are married and a court can split their bills/assets upon divorce. Unmarried couples have no such protections.
I understand that but I stayed out of their affairs even when they only lived together. If she asked for my opinion on something, I gave it. If not, I said nothing.
 

bbsam

Moderator
Staff member
No—he would be on the hook for whatever she paid toward his loans.
I think that document would cause more angstand discomfort than anything.

Luckily, if things don't work out your son is free to pay her back or not. Likewise she is free to ask him to pay her back.
 

UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)

Well-Known Member
Why would he be on the hook? It sounds like a friendly promise with no legal documents to back it up.

We're not talking about splitting the check at dinner. We are talking about thousands of dollars. As I said, he owes about $55K and she owes much more.

I think that document would cause more angstand discomfort than anything.

Luckily, if things don't work out your son is free to pay her back or not. Likewise she is free to ask him to pay her back.

Am I the only one who doesn't see how this could all go south if the two were to part ways?

As I said, they are planning to split all of the other expenses, including the mortgage, based on their incomes, so I guess he could offset whatever money he may owe her by the amount that he paid in to her mortgage.

I just think that it would be some much easier for all involved if they just took the time to sit down and write up a simple agreement wherein he would repay her for all of the money that she paid toward his student loans less whatever money he paid toward her mortgage if they parted ways.
 

bbsam

Moderator
Staff member
Of course it could go south. A court document doesn't lessen that possibility.

Better to have love and lost
Than to never have loved at all.

...or some crazy bull crap like that.
 
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