Funny Tales from the Road!!


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The following are true stories, only the names have changed to protect the guilty. jk

The Day my Diad was taken and held Hostage

LOL This happened back when we were still taking cash for COD's. I was delivering to a tire shop, and the guy had a whopping $45.oo and some change COD. I hadn't delivered to him before and didn't know him, and hadn't heard any stories about him, anyway, I handed him the package and he paid for it after some mild complaining, then he asked for a receipt, which we don't have, just the old red and white cod label, back then, so I told him I didn't have one, and that he had the package/merchandise etc...

He was signing for the package at this point, and asked for my drivers license #, and I told him very calmly I wasn't required to do that, and wouldn't. Heck I thought he was just clowning around. Then he said, "what if I just keep this" holding up my diad, so I laughed, as I thought he was joking, and said I would have to call the law in a half joking tone, to which he said, "Call e'm"!:ohmy:

Ok at this point I can't tell if he really serious, but he was, and said, look you have the package and got what you paid for, what else do you need? I am not going to risk losing my job for $45.00. His response was that Fex ex, then RPS had ripped him off or something.

Again I said, well I can't do that as you have the package. He said, call the law, so I called my supervisor for instructions, and once I convinced him I was serious my diad was being held hostage (without ransom), he said to hold tight and he would come out there.

While I waited, I tried to reason with the guy, but he kept saying, "I thought you were going to call the law?"

Finally my supervisor came, and went in to try and talk to the guy, and told him I didn't have to give him my drivers license # etc...and to give us the board back'. It was comical to watch, since it was grown men bickering like children, "Give us that board" 'NO"! Call the law'. So my Sup called the police, and I was hoping I could watch them take him to jail, so I could scan him as they drove him off, but no such luck, my sup. made me go and use paper to sheet like the old days.:mad:

In the end, the police came, and got it back, but didn't take him to jail. I delivered to the police etc...and asked the officer later why she didn't arrest him, and she said, because he wanted to go to jail too bad. lol

Crazy I know, but wait until I tell you about this bona fide nut that was on that old route of mine.

Riding Shotgun

This guy ran a camera shop across from the Federal court building, and this was one nasty place. It really stunk bad in there, with his raw hamburger meat he would leave out for the cats, and who knows how long it would sit there. I would have to take deep breaths before going in there to try and hold my breath.

Anyway, that's not what makes him nuts, this is one of the Nutty things he would do. If I had a COD, especially the firt time, he wouldn't give it to me until I said the "code word" which I had no idea, what that was at the time, but he told me, "GIVE UP THE PAPER!" Of course I didn't have to remember it as I would hear him screaming it as I pulled up. LOL.

It gets better, so hang on. If you had a supervisor ride with you, woo hoo, you were in for a treat! When he saw the sup he would scream "SHOTGUN, YOU'RE RIDING SHOTGUN" and pointot his big picture of an old horse and carriage with the person holding his shotgun, and "riding shotgun", but the funny part was that he would get right in their ears, and do the Indian hand to mouth, wooo wooo wooo etc etc...over and over, you know while tapping your mouth rapidly. I gotta tell you I don't know how they kept from hitting him, but he would do it everytime, one rode with you, and I mean as close to their ears as possible/ WOOOWOOOWOOOWOOOO! LOL

he would follow you all the way back to the truck screaming it loud as he could. I always wondered why the Fed's didn't cart him off, but I imagine because he was too funny.

I had a particular anal supervisor riding with me one day, and he was telling me before we got to theis stop, that he liked the guy, and thought he just had a weird sense of humor. I laughed, because to see it was hilarious, only this day, I went in first as usual, while the sup counted my steps. LOL, anyway, I didn't see the guy, and called his name, but no response, so I sat the box down in the back, by the raw hamburger, and then...."WOOOO WOOO WOOOO WOOOO Shotgun, SHOTGUN, he hollered as he jumped from behind a corner, accept this time he actually had a pumpshotgun in his hands!:w00t:

He was hooping and hollering, Shotgunetc.., and pumping it like crazy, and my first thought were, if he shoots my sup I am bolting out the back, and praying there is a backdoor.

You haven't seen white unles you saw that supervisors face. Actually it was more green, than white.:lol: He didn't kill him, but kept on hollering in my sups ear all the way back to the truck. What really cracked me up was the fact that my supervisor, saud "I wasn't scared". I said you better check yourself, I think you've :censored2: yourself! LOL

Every sup hated to ride with me because of him, and he had a pickup account so if they were lucky they got to see and hear him twice a day. Another time a sup rode with me 3 days, and got the woo woo treatment, and on the 4th day, he didn't ride, but I went in the psycho camera shop, and couldn't find the guy. Uh oh!!!

Finally he jumped out with a WWII helmet on shouting the usuall shotgun, and WOOWOOWOOWOO, and kept looking at the truck for my sup, and slowly started to stop woo wooing, and asked where my sup was I told him he didn't ride that day, and he lookd like a dejected kid there for a minute, but perked up when he told me he "paid $50.00 for this authetic WWII helmet." I had to ask, you mean you paid $50.00 just to jump out in that at our supervisors, he said yes, very matter of factly. What a riot that guy was, but he was missing alot upstairs, a hell of alot.

Heck onetime someone else ran my run, and he actually had a customer in there, and he was tinkering with her camera, and he looked up at the driver and said, "I have told this stupid bitch, a hundred times what's wrong with this." He lost that customer real quick." He asked that same driver if he wanted to see a porno flick with him in it, and of course our guy, said NO, so, he asked what are you gay, or religious?!

Also if you ever saw him anywhere, there's no real conversing with the guy, no matter where you were. If i was delivering in the Fed court bulding and he was in there, he would start the wooo wooo loud as he could, and I would try to speak in sensible ways, and ask 'how ya doing?, he just kept on. If I ever saw him, I learned to hide.

Then he would do the damn Hitler Seig Heil crap, with the hand motion,even in the courthouse.

He's no longer in that buiding, and believe it or not became a big alcoholic/crackhead. Too bad I never videoed any of that.:lol: Later when I got off that run, I would laugh hearing IE people that rode with the driver try and describe "some nut at a camera shop" I would just look at them and do the WOowooowoooowowoooo, and they would say that's it, that's what that guy did to me.

That's all true, and I posted it to give everyone something to laugh at.


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One day while covering a route, my on car sup decided he would meet me and give me a sight and visibility ride along. It turned out ok most of the day, and he actually ran most of the stops from the truck to the door for me. but he kept riding me on little things, horn use at every house, counting seconds between me and car in front, etc. etc. Never mind that he set me up that day with an extra split on me because they decided to cut a route. So during one stretch of house calls I call stairmaster alley, for the all the houses on this one street sit high up on a hill, back from the street with long steps going up to them, I handed him a package and pointed to this one house that had about 75 steps going up maybe 40 yards. he actually ran up the stairs and back to the truck, saying that wasn't so bad. I tried telling him that it is sections like these where some of us in this town get slow because of stops like this. He kinda just shrugged. So I buckled the seat belt, closed the bulkhead door, looked over my left shoulder, and pulled away. i took the first right onto the side street, and drove up maybe 25 yards and stopped at the driveway to the same house I just made him run up to the front door of that is only 50 feet long and goes right to the back door of the house, and said....Ooops....forgot this house had a driveway here, and kept going. He doesn't bother me as much as he used to anymore.


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Chris Farley/Tommy Boy had nothing on me!

One day roughly 18 yrs ago when I was a rookie RTD driver I was parked on a st with no where to park accept by the curb, and people honking and cussing you etc...Anyway, I had a bulk stop for a business, and set my handtruck down in the grass, and dropped a heavy package on the tongue of the handtruck, and BAM it smacked me right square in the forehead!

It was very hot as it was the middle of July, and an old man had walked up just after it happened, so I refrained from saying any "colorful metophors" so I climbed in the back and let out a bit of as Bill Cosby says, "a foul filth", then climebd out, and the man asked if I was ok, and let me know I had a big red mark on my forehead. I had to laugh, but looked in the mirror and sure enough a big red mark the shape of the bar on my handtruck was imprinted on my head! This was one of those days where everything was going bad, load, bulk, etc...

Some of you may remember an old Buggs Bunny cartoon etc...when the people would get an inheritance or something but they had to keep quite and let the uncle or whoever sleep Ol'e buggs did everything to make them scream etc...and they would get hurt and instead of screaming, they would get a paper bag and scream in it and run it outside where it couldn't be heard, then open it and the screams would then come out.:lol: Of course Buggs would keep causing them to get hurt, and faster and faster they would run out the house with their sacks.
I wished I could have employed that tactic on that day!:laugh:
And no I didn't eat paint chips as a kid!:wink:

A little while later on the same st another man came up raising sand, because I was parked on the side of that busy st, and just going,"you people think you own the road" etc...

I finally just said, "Well when the day comes I can fold up this truck and put it in my pocket I will park wherever I need to! LOL He laughed and walked off!