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pickup
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Colonel Klink in character on batman
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- Thread starter airbusfxr
- Start date
DS
Fenderbender
When I was young I was enthralled with the mothers of invention.
There was an album called just another band from LA that I had pretty much memorized back in the day.I figured it was about as off topic as I could get.
Catatonic
Nine Lives
Saw Zappa in concert 3 times and saw him take a dump on stage in Tallahassee FL (at least it looked like it) in 1971 -72.
It was Freak Out for me that got me hooked on Zappa.
His sense of humor, irreverence and general lack of conformity seemed to be very close to mine.
I have 17 albums by Zappa in my MP3 collection.
I sold my Freak Out album on ebay for 225 dollars to a guy in Germany. It was one of the original pressings that I had bought in 1969 or so.
DS
Fenderbender
Holy Eddie Greenspoon batman!!! 17 albums? I honestly believe Zappa was the most underrated musician in our generation.He lost me with the peaches en regalia era when I joined a band.I always had fun playing acoustic versions of take your clothes off when you dance -whats the ugliest part of your body at parties...
It was funny last week we saw an indian lady with almost a full burka...walking out of a wal-mart
I said to the wife is that a real burka ,I mean is that an Indian burka or is that a wal-mart burka.
It was funny last week we saw an indian lady with almost a full burka...walking out of a wal-mart
I said to the wife is that a real burka ,I mean is that an Indian burka or is that a wal-mart burka.
stevetheupsguy
sʇǝʌǝʇɥǝndsƃnʎ
Catatonic
Nine Lives
A burka?I want one
fethrs
Well-Known Member
no no no
I want one like this little guy. Next time use quotes. I know I know.
DS
Fenderbender
Ok this is for real.We have ants.Little brown buggers that are invading our kitchen through some crack I can't find.
For some weird reason the cats like to roll in the places where we squashed them.
I found this in a goggle search.
Odorous house ants get their name from the fact that workers give off a rotten coconut odor when crushed. They are often confused with the Argentine ant except their one node is flattened, not pointed, and it is not visible from above or the side because it is hidden by the abdomen. They are small, brown ants about 1/8-inch (3 mm) in length. Workers of the odorous house ant are all one size.
The odorous house ant is closely related to the ghost ant but is easily distinguished by size and coloration Ghost ants are considerably smaller and have a dark head and thorax and pale, almost translucent, abdomen and legs. The antennae of both species have 12 segments and no club.
Odorous house ants are found throughout the United States and from Canada to Mexico.
For some weird reason the cats like to roll in the places where we squashed them.
I found this in a goggle search.
Odorous house ants get their name from the fact that workers give off a rotten coconut odor when crushed. They are often confused with the Argentine ant except their one node is flattened, not pointed, and it is not visible from above or the side because it is hidden by the abdomen. They are small, brown ants about 1/8-inch (3 mm) in length. Workers of the odorous house ant are all one size.
The odorous house ant is closely related to the ghost ant but is easily distinguished by size and coloration Ghost ants are considerably smaller and have a dark head and thorax and pale, almost translucent, abdomen and legs. The antennae of both species have 12 segments and no club.
Odorous house ants are found throughout the United States and from Canada to Mexico.
overallowed
Well-Known Member
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?'
The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.'
'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and answered me!'
'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird.'
'Oh yeah?' the guy asks, 'Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?'
'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers.'
'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand and speak English can't you?'
'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion.'
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'
'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make an offer!'
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing. 'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the UPS man..'
'What are you talking about?' asks the guy.
'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie.'
'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened?'
'Well, then the UPS man came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.
'NO!' he exclaims. 'And she let him?'
'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over.....'
Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?'
'Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!'
The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.'
'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and answered me!'
'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird.'
'Oh yeah?' the guy asks, 'Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?'
'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers.'
'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand and speak English can't you?'
'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion.'
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'
'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make an offer!'
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing. 'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the UPS man..'
'What are you talking about?' asks the guy.
'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie.'
'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened?'
'Well, then the UPS man came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.
'NO!' he exclaims. 'And she let him?'
'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over.....'
Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?'
'Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!'
MonavieLeaker
Bringin Teh_Lulz
MonavieLeaker
Bringin Teh_Lulz
[SIZE=-1]My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive…
so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday
and then the fight started.....
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said,
"Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started....[/SIZE]
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive…
so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday
and then the fight started.....
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said,
"Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started....[/SIZE]
DS
Fenderbender
We were in the supermarket today,my wife says,I've been craving a nice ham sandwich...so after looking at the prepackaged ,I suggest the deli counter where they have like 7 choices,she agrees.we ask for 200 grams,after we pick a number,with a bunch of people waiting,our turn ,
the guy asks ,would you like it sliced,or shaved.I says babe,you know I like it shaved,we ended up with slices
the guy asks ,would you like it sliced,or shaved.I says babe,you know I like it shaved,we ended up with slices
We were in the supermarket today,my wife says,I've been craving a nice ham sandwich...so after looking at the prepackaged ,I suggest the deli counter where they have like 7 choices,she agrees.we ask for 200 grams,after we pick a number,with a bunch of people waiting,our turn ,
the guy asks ,would you like it sliced,or shaved.I says babe,you know I like it shaved,we ended up with slices
And I bet the fight started out in the car!
stevetheupsguy
sʇǝʌǝʇɥǝndsƃnʎ
stevetheupsguy
sʇǝʌǝʇɥǝndsƃnʎ
I made it here by stealth.
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