Hi, my name is ____59, and I'm a shill. It's hard to come out and say it, because I've been abusing shilldom for a long time and want to turn my life around. It all started when our VP of Personnel decided we needed someone to counteract all of the bad things being said about FedEx on the Internet and posted a position of Disinformation Manager. I was an Ops manager at a small station back then, and had a critical SFA. so things weren't looking good for me. But I did have an extensive history on social media and dating sites, where I would pretend to be all sorts of people just trying to get lucky. It's hard to be 47, weigh 300 pounds, and have comic books and Pokémon as your only interests in life. I drank a lot, but mostly spent time at KFC, where I'd sometimes eat a whole bucket of chicken at one sitting. My biggest obsession, however, was the TV series "Hawaii Five-0". Steve McGarrett, Chin Ho, and the whole team. AWESOME!! I have every episode memorized. "Wo Fat, 5 counts murder one!!" And, of course, "Book Em,___!" So, I applied for the job and GOT IT!! Wow, I was SO happy. Now I could sit on the computer all day long (and eat KFC), and surf for nasty comments about FedEx, which I could easily deflect through my superior educational background and communications skills. It isn't everyone that makes it through the Chickisaw Community College Drama program!! FedEx gave me a nice home computer set-up, and made me promise to stay away from the chubby chaser sites (I like my women BIG). After awhile though, I started to feel bad about always lying about FedEx. It really is a corrupt, sleazy organization that screws it's people blind, and I actually felt pangs of a conscience for the first time in my life. It's wrong to lie to people and tell them a company is honest, when it is the exact opposite. Once I started to see the light, my life started to change. That 420 pound girl I'd had my eye on at KFC loved chicken just as much as me...and comic books!. We spent many happy hours eating chicken wings and playing Pokémon (the game). It was AWESOME!! Finally, Shawanda convinced me that I should stop lying to people about FedEx and just be myself. So, here I am!!I'm reborn as an honest person!! I'm not really ___59. My name is Duane, I live in my Mom's basement, and Shawanda and I are very happy together. No more lies from me!! And I've stopped watching Hawaii Five-O 27 times per day. I'm there, baby. Love you all!