Funny things Drivers might Have Said?

[clean hairy]

True or not, a story I heard told one time by a Driver.
Seems this person was on their route, and a Cop pulls over the Driver.
Cop asks the Driver if he knows where his Package might be.
Driver replies "If it aint between your legs, it would be a good idea to see your Dr. about your missing package"
Cop gives the Driver 5 seconds to get outta there!

 

[UpstateNYUPSer(Ret)]

Bored?

 

[Shifting Contents]

My favorite thing to do while working is stop cops and ask them for directions to the street we are on.


"Hey man, I'm covering this route, do you know the quickest way to get to north 22nd ave se?"

"Uh . . . Seriously?"

"Yeah man. I'm so far behind."

"Uh . . . You're on it."

"No ?!"

 

[3 done 3 to go]

I'm out in the sticks. There aren't any dunkin donuts around. So --I never see any.

 

[Indecisi0n]

I tell handsome cops that I have drugs in my rectum.

 

[Richard Harrow]

I tell handsome cops that I have drugs in my rectum.

I'm cool with a bunch of the sheriffs officers that handle security detail at the county & state buildings on my route. They'll ask "whatcha got today?" when I put the pkgs through the X-ray. I'll usually tell them I have hollow-points or some other type of odd-ball contraband stuffed in my anus.

The stranger the item, the heartier the laugh I get out of them.

 

[jaker]

I don't mind Working off the clock to help my day

 

[rod]

tFunniest thing I ever heard a driver say was after witnessing a good looking (young gal temporary Christmas driver) keep getting cuts off her because she just couldn't handle what they were giving her this driver hollered out--- "whats' a person have to do around here to get a cut---have blond hair and nice tits"? I thought it was funny buy the manager didn't.

 

[box_beeyotch]

"Their all like 15 years old man". "Yeah but would it be worth it if you got all three at the same time. Three 15 year olds is a 45 year old in my book."

 

[Wally]

 

[Overpaid Union Thug]

In a bonus center the bonus babies are a frequent source of humor. Only they don't even realize it. The other day one of them told me they are going to file because the route next to them wasn't as bulked out as theirs.

 

[Babagounj]

Back in the 90's when I was driving a Ford Air van ( P-3 ) bubbletop , an on road sup stopped me on the way out one day . She yelled at me saying " This is the 3rd day in row I have seen you pull out of here without closing your bulkhead door. " The center mgr was standing behind her , I looked at him and said " Brian you tell her. " and drove away .
The P-3 's were not equipped with bulkhead doors .
( She later became the mgr of the same center , before leaving to work for Fedx ) .

 

[FilingBluesFL]

I try to say something amusing every day in the building...

It's the only way to make it bearable to go in this place 5 days a week....

 

[box_beeyotch]

I try to say something amusing every day in the building...

It's the only way to make it bearable to go in this place 5 days a week....

When you walk in tomorrow, go up to the quietest most timid guy in front of everyone and go, "hey man those are nice boots, so you want to have sex?"

 

[Returntosender]

 

[livin the dream]

customer," what is that?"
me." looks like a box"

 

[a911scanner]

customer," what is that?"
me." looks like a box"

I just say "I don't know... I don't pack them, I just deliver to the address on the box"

 

[ManInBrown]

customer," what is that?"
me." looks like a box"

Here is my go to response
Customer-"What is that?"
Me-"Not sure. I was a little late to work this morning. I didn't have time to open everything"

 

[TheScratchKid]

customer," what is that?"
me." looks like a box"

"Is it ticking?" I'm ashamed to say I used that line before my UPS days......multiple times. I thought it was funny and original. Now I'm just embarrassed for people when they say that to me and give them a courtesy laugh.

 

[Babagounj]

I just say "I don't know... I don't pack them, I just deliver to the address on the box"

You still read addresses ?